The Restaurant
by Mamotte Ageru
Summary: Axel works at a restaurant. Roxas is a student at the school on the opposite side of the street from the restaurant. Oh, and Axel is a Roxasphile. Akuroku
1. I'm not Elmo

**A/N**: New story. :D It's very weird, very awkward, and possibly crazy. I blame: no sleep, KH parodies on Youtube, crazy fan fictions. 

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, or really, anything else in this story. :'D**

* * *

_I'm the kind of girl that hangs with the guys,_

_Like a fly on the wall with my secret eyes,_

_Takin' it in, tryin' to be feminine,_

_With my make up bag watchin' all the sin,_

_Misfit, I sit,_

_Lit up, wicked,_

_Everybody else surrounded by the girls,_

_With tank tops on and the flirty ways_

"Hell yeah!" A redhead bounced around behind the bar, a contradicting red T-shirt on with a design on the back that promoted the restaurant in some way. "Doesn't this just get you pumped to start molesting a cute little boy?!"

"No, no it doesn't Axel." A lilac haired man, roughly twenty or so, just a year younger than Axel, spoke with an air of superiority over the other even it he was younger. "You are a sick perverted freak and shouldn't be allowed to work right across from a high school campus."

"You're no fun, Zexion." Axel pouted slightly. There wasn't anyone in there restaurant anyway, he could be as loud and obnoxious as he possibly wanted. He moved from behind the bar and began advancing on where the hostess was supposed to be waiting to seat customers. Instead there stood a pink haired man, who could, if he pleased, pass as a woman. His deep voice might give him away, though.

"Marly! Marly!" Axel jumped onto the man's back, holding tight around Marluxia's neck. He was met with a punch and a trip to the floor.

"The next time you decide to drink on the job and turn on the jukebox you're dead meat." Marluxia hissed, gently kicking Axel as he laid on the floor. Axel turned his head lightly, his eyes catching on two black and white sneakers. Those weren't Marluxia's. Marluxia liked light pinks and purples. Sometimes blue.

"How can I help you?" Axel could hear Marluxia asking.

"I need to place orders and take them back to the school." An unfamiliar voice answered. The voice was sexy, suave, cute, seductive, attractive, but most of all it was molestable. A boy's voice, about fifteen. Axel couldn't help it if he was attracted to not only men but men that weren't legal, right? He sat up slowly, looking up as he did so. He got everything he had thought from just analyzing the voice. Swirly blonde hair, clear blue eyes, pouty lips, and a sort of impatient aura around him. Fifteen too.

"You can just sit at the bar while they get the order ready." Marluxia turned, leading the boy towards the bar. The boy stuck his hands in the pockets of his dark blue zipper hoodie and followed after. Axel followed shortly behind, staring at the boy's ass the whole time. When the boy's butt was hidden by a stool Axel took it upon himself to get the boy's order.

"Himyname'sAxel, Commitittomemory, howcanIhelpyou?" Axel's sentences got smushed and compromised into one whole sentence.

"Here." Roxas handed him a folded notebook paper note with the orders of the teachers written on it. At first Axel thought it was his phone number. He was out of luck. When he opened it all he got was a bunch of food names.

"Coming right up…" Axel muttered and walk off towards the kitchen.

Meanwhile…

Roxas sat at the bar, slowly moving the top of the stool this way and that, making a half circle before going back the other way. He has a small smile on his face while doing this, for the stool made a squeaking noise as he went. Zexion watched the boy, intrigued by how a stool could entertain him so. Then Zexion's mind drifted to other things. Like how Axel could possibly find a totally off limits boy hot. Then again, Zexion didn't know how Axel could think another man was hot. Oh yes, fan girls, Zexion is straight.

"Soooo, what's your name?" Axel was back, and somehow he had slipped into a seat next to Roxas without either Roxas or Zexion noticing.

"Roxas." He stated simply, stopping his little stool fiesta and giving Axel a cold look. There was no trace of a smile anymore.

Play it cool Axel, you don't want to scare him away or get a lawsuit. Axel thought while watching the boy.

"Why are you staring at me?" Roxas asked. Axel blinked a few times. He hadn't noticed he'd been staring for that long.

"I wasn't staring." Way to go Axel, way to play it cool. His inside self rolled his eyes.

"Yes you were."

"No I wasn't."

"Yes you were."

"No I wasn't."

"Yes you were, Axel." Zexion this time. He was glaring a one-eyed glare from behind his Emo hair while drying a glass. Even though he could only see one eye, Axel could feel both trying to kill him.

There was dead silence.

Squeak, squeak, squeak.

Roxas was back to his crazy stool antics. Zexion and Axel were still in silence, both watching him. One with lust and one with lack of anything better to do. Oh, if only it weren't illegal to just jump the kid right then.

Axel had to think quickly. He had to get the boy talking to him. And he knew one way to do it too. He opened his mouth and just let the first thing fall out.

"My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime you want to."

Roxas stared, horrified. Zexion stared, horrified. Axel stared, horrified. Then something happened that none of them expected. Roxas. Poked. Axel. In. The. Side.

"You're not laughing." Roxas said bluntly. He was a blunt kid. He poked one more time. At this one, Axel did laugh. Roxas got this huge evil smirk on his face. He lifted both his hands, flexed his fingers in a very Spirit Finger-like way then proceeded to tickle Axel. Somehow the kid knew all of his ticklish spots. In no time Axel was laughing hysterically.

In a matter of five minutes Axel was lying on the ground, tears in his eyes, with Roxas straddling him at the waist and still tickling him. Axel was too busy getting tickled to be even slightly turned on by this. Not really.

There were two things that made Roxas stop and get off. A bus boy with a Mohawk…thing came to give him the food he was sent to get. The second thing was that he felt something poking his ass and he was sure Axel didn't carry around miniature bats in his pants.

As he was collecting the food and paying Axel came over to him. "Mind if I pick you up after school?"

Roxas and the bus boy looked at Axel with 'WTF?!?!?!' looks on their faces. Roxas was pretty sure by now that Axel was a pedophile, from the looks of his pants. But he'd have to ride the bus since he wasn't old enough to drive and wasn't cool enough to have older friends. And he HATED the bus. The bus driver always seemed to almost kill them without noticing and not only that but it smelled, they weren't allowed to eat or drink on it, iPods could only tune out so much noise, and it was very bumpy.

"Sure. I'll wait up front." Roxas took the change and picked up the plastic back that carried the Styrofoam boxes that held the food. "Don't be late." And with those last words he left the restaurant.

"I hope that kid has the police on speed dial.." Marluxia muttered underneath his breath.

* * *

The bell rang. Roxas was happy. He didn't have to ride the bus today! He might be felt up but who cared?! He got a free ride! He was on cloud nine when a strong, firm hand clamped on his shoulder and held him back from going out the door.

"Roxas, I want you to stay behind for a moment." Oh great. The teacher.

"Yes sir…" Roxas mumbled unhappily. Saix, the teacher, pushed Roxas not too gently into a seat. That was the top of the desk.

"Quite frankly, I'm worried about your grades, Roxas." Saix was softly glaring at the boy. Damn that kid was fine.

"I have a C. I'm passing." Roxas' tone didn't disguise his know-it-all attitude towards his teacher. He always felt like Saix was a chump anyway.

"But I know you can do better. I want you to start staying after school for thirty minutes everyday for extra tutoring. Starting tomorrow. Got it?" No one could say no to Saix. They were too afraid he would eat them.

"Yes sir." Roxas got up and went out the door, not even bothering to say anymore. Saix got a nice view of his ass. It was nice and he would love to ravage it.

* * *

Axel tapped impatiently on his steering wheel. The kid was late. And Roxas had told him not to be late. And then he went off and was late himself! Geez! But as soon as he saw Roxas appear from the doors that led into the school, a black messenger bag slung across body, Axel's bitterness melted into a little puddle. What made Axel even happier was that Roxas was heading straight for his car, at record speed.

"Drive, dammit!" Roxas hissed. Axel popped into action, keys turning in the ignition and his foot on the gas pedal.

"Why are we in such a rush?" He inquired after they had started going.

Roxas looked behind them. No sign of creepy teacher. He slumped back into the seat. "I have after school tutorials for algebra everyday now."

"I don't see why we need to speed." Axel cocked his eyebrow a tiny bit.

"The teacher who's going to keep me after school checks me out everyday in class." Roxas added a little spice to his dislike. "He thinks I don't notice it but I do!"

Axel could only give his best regards to the teacher. He wanted to do exactly what Axel would like to do. "I'm sure it's not that bad. Maybe if you give him some time he'll learn he can't check you out any more." He patted Roxas' thigh lightly. Ah, if only he could go higher… "Now, I need directions to your house."

And that, my friends, was only the beginning.

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**A/N**: Review for Mamotte? Just drop a spork in the review box and I'll be fine. 


	2. RChew DChew

**A/N:** Anyone ever think about February? I mean, really thought about it? Why is it the only month in the year with 28 days? Did the people who created the Christian calendar just hate February and decided to make it shorter? Or was it because spring came when February ended? And why is St. Valentine's Day in February? A better month to put it in would be in the middle of May or the beginning of June. Somewhere warm where couples could go out and DO things. This year is snowed on Valentine's day… 

**Disclaimer: I will state this once since I really kind of left it out of the first one. I do not own any of the songs I use in this! Thank you.**

**No animals were hurt in the making of this chapter/future chapters that will feature the cat. He's made of rubber. And he likes being played with roughly.**

* * *

A week had passed since Axel first met Roxas. Since Roxas had gotten tutorials with Saix. Since Axel started to watch soccer practice from the restaurant's window. He had even started to get to work on time to watch the boys practice their little soccer thing. He had never known a cutie such as Roxas was on the soccer team. Then again he had always been about an hour or so late and that was after soccer practice had ended.

He couldn't see that closely since the field was a little to the left, but Axel could pick Roxas out of all of them. Who else had an ass like that? Or the spiky blonde hair could be a dead giveaway. Axel liked to think it was his own kills that led him to see which player Roxas was. And when Roxas went to get a drink from his water bottle, Axel always imagined him squirting the water into his mouth. It was hotter that way.

The Axel would imagine him all hot and sweaty and panting with his cheeks flushed. A look of boyish innocence was always placed on Roxas' face as well. He would look up at Axel, and Axel would smile down at him then wipe his forehead with a towel after Roxas' team had just won the game. It was fantasies like that that made Axel blush himself. He felt like a school girl with his first crush, giggling and blushing just at the thought of helping him out. When he did giggle and blush Zexion always had the right thing to say.

"You are an evil, sadistic, disgusting, black hearted version of Michael Jackson." Zexion would always say. About ninety-nine point nine percent of the time.

It was also about this time that Demyx ran out of the back, usually with some kind of new invention or fetish and show it off to the rest of them. Today he happened to be dressed up in discarded cardboard boxes, one was even over his head. "Guys, look!" He shouted to the rest of them. When he thought he had their attention (he forgot to cut eyeholes in his head box) he yelled, "I'm R-Chew D-Chew."

"I think you mean R2D2." Zexion corrected.

"Why do you always ruin my dream?!" Demyx yelled back and tried to run into the back, where he usually hung out. But he tripped over his box shoes and fell flat on his box face.

* * *

_"Oh, you touch my talala,_

_Mm, my ding, ding dong._

_Oh, you touch my talala,_

_Mm, my ding, ding dong._

_Deep in the night,_

_I am looking for some fun._

_Deep in the night,_

_I am looking for some love._

_De-de-de-deep in the night,_

_I am looking for some fun._

_Deep in the night,_

_I am looking for some"  
Saix's body was over him, his torso and lower body bare of any clothes. In other words, he was naked. And singing an exotic song to the body below him._

_"You tease me,_

_Oh please me,_

_I want you to be my love toy,_

_Come near me,_

_Don't fear me,_

_I just can't get enough of you boy."_

_That's when Saix went down on Roxas, or rather in._

And that's also when Roxas woke up, forever scarred by his own dream. He had fallen asleep during his second period class, English, while listening to his friend's iPod. He didn't have enough time to really think about his dream.

"Olette, why is this adult sex song on your iPod?" Roxas asked, removing the headphones and handing them to the girl sitting next to him.

"What son-oh!" Olette had looked at the song that was playing. "It's my brother's."

"That's even creepier!" Roxas huffed.

"You're just mad because you got a boner from it." Hayner grinned at him from his left side. Roxas looked down. He was filled with a mixture of embarrassment and disgust.

* * *

"He's heading over here! Oh no Roxy! Watch out for that awesome looking red Corvette! We don't want to scratch it, now do we?! Yay! Roxas made it across the street!" Axel looked away from the window to inform the rest of the restaurant crew that Roxas had indeed crossed the street without so much as a scratch.

"And I'm sure he's going to fill forever loved when he hears how you didn't want him to scratch the car." Zexion crossed his arms.

"It was a pretty ca-YOU WOULDN'T DARE!" Axel hissed.

"Oh, I would." Zexion gave his evilest, sexiest, smirk that any Emo guy could've ever given. Because most Emo guys are just pansies.

The small bell that was tied to the door jingled. Zexion and Axel looked at each other. Then they looked at the door. Both started in a sprint at the same time, heading for the same place. Amazingly, even though Zexion had been farther away, they got there at the same time.

"Roxas, Roxas, Roxas, Roxas, Roxas, Roxas, Roxas, Roxas!" Both pleaded with him for attention. He looked from one to the other. Axel always had something stupid to say. Zexion made intelligent conversation.

"Zexion?" Roxas asked, focusing on him. They bother quieted down. Zexion coughed.

"When you were crossing the street Axel was watching you to make sure that red Corvette wouldn't hit you." Zexion frowned, as if he were really sorry he was reporting the news. "Not because you would've died or been damaged beyond repair, but because you would've scratched the car."

Axel didn't wait a beat. He was right back in. "Nu-uh! He's lying! Lying, I tell you!"

"Um…Whatever." Roxas began digging through his pockets. He produced a notebook paper note just like the one he had the first time he had ever entered the restaurant. "Now get the food. The secretary started her period or menopause and apparently she blames all men for causing birth pains and says that we should all be gay. I don't want to anger That any further."

Axel faithfully took the paper and headed to the back. He was a good little doggie.

Speaking of dogs, there was the exact opposite loose in the restaurant. No one knew about it until it happened to step in Roxas' path. It stared up at Roxas, it's big, round, rubbery, body jiggling slightly.

"Huh." Roxas said to himself, staring down at the cat. The belly was about the size of a cheap rubber ball kids get at cheap grocery stores in the summer to play with. "I wonder…" He lifted his leg, and he kicked it.

"Mrooooooow!" The cat didn't sound like it was in agony as it flew through the air. It sounded like it was having fun. As soon as it hit the floor it bounced onto a table, spilling salt and pepper, the ketchup bottle falling to the floor. As soon as the cat stopped bouncing it rolled over on its belly and stood up on its legs. It meowed once to Roxas before swishing its tail and walking off to find another hiding spot.

"Dammit Roxas! Why'd you kick it?! It's made of frickin' rubber!" Marluxia shouted at the poor boy.

"How was he supposed to know?!" Zexion fired back. He always had a bone to pick with his coworker. Always.

"Well, it's kind of round like a ball!" Marluxia and Zexion went straight into a yelling war.

Eventually Axel came back with the bag of food. In a quick motion he set the bag on the bar and was cuddling Roxas' head into his chest. "My poor baby! Don't you two yell at him anymore!"

"STAY OUT OF THIS!" Both Zexion and Marluxia yelled at him.

* * *

After getting scorned for being late and being called a "Gay little faggot" by the girl office aide, Roxas had went to lunch and gone through a whole other period he was finally in algebra. The class he hated the most. But the good part of the day was that Saix had decided that the class would watch a movie. On quadratic equations, or something. Roxas didn't know. He hadn't been paying attention. The bad part of the day, Saix didn't grade papers or send emails to other teachers while the kids were watching the movie. He stare at Roxas.

Roxas stared at the ceiling. Anything to not watch the movie and not stare right back at Saix until the creepy teacher figured out that, yes, Roxas knew all about his little plans to rape him during his tutorials session. He studied that ceiling like it was the holy bible of all things holy and almighty and all knowing. His eyes caught on something peculiar. A piece of gum. On the ceiling. There wasn't a pencil stuck through it so he knew it hadn't been sent up to the ceiling via pencil rocket ship. It was just stuck there, just chillin'. Roxas thought it was laughing at him. Laughing at the poor kid who had to stay after school with the school pervert.

Needless to say, he didn't form a liking to that magical piece of gum. He bet it was peppermint flavored. God help him if that gum was Juicy Fruit! Saix seemed to notice his under aged obsession with the ceiling.

"Roxas, if you don't watch the movie you're going to have to sit with me, at my desk." The teacher called out to him. Girls giggled. Roxas snapped back to attention after giving the piece of malicious gum one last glare. He finally watched the movie. It wasn't even about math at all, he noticed.

The bell rang and school was out for all the nice, almost hot children that didn't get caught in a sexual predator's grasp. Even Roxas wasn't that hot. If Saix really wanted a hot piece of ass he would chase after that Riku kid or whatever the hell his name was. Ever girl threw themselves at him.

The lights flicked on while students were putting their desks back where they were and gathering their things. Roxas looked up at the ceiling.

"THE GUM'S GONE!" He yelled to the whole class, pointing exactly where the gum had been not but two minutes ago. Everyone stopped what they were doing to stare at him. Saix hurried to get the students out so that he could spend precious time with his slightly insane favorite student.

Once they were alone Saix sat atop Roxas' desk, trying to be sexy and suave and whatnot. He was just creepy. "So, what'd you think of the movie?" He asked, grinning like a wolf at Roxas.

"What movie?" Roxas had been too focused on the gum to really remember the movie. What was that about again? Wait…there was a movie? Geez. He really needed to pay more attention to the world around him.

"The movie we just watched. About what dinosaurs and algebra have in common." Saix quirked a brow.

"Oh. I didn't pay attention." Roxas was blunt. Very blunt.

"I can see…" Saix mumbled, slightly saddened. But he perked up instantly. "I'm giving a test the Monday after next. I was thinking, maybe you'd like to sleep over the Friday before and have an all night study time? You would just drive home with me after school."

"Oh…er…I don't know..I'd have to ask my mom first…" Roxas trailed off, scratching the back of his neck. He wouldn't ask her and he'd give Saix some lame excuse why he couldn't come.

"I called her and she said yes!" Saix smiled lightly. "You're dismissed now!" He stood from his student's desk and bounced back to his own desk, happy with how that went. In his shock Roxas had broken a pencil subconsciously. His mouth was still hanging open and his eyes were wide. In three short words: He. Was. Doomed.

* * *

**A/N:** The gum was inspired by my own experience in Geometry class. Because my school is haunted. I swear it is…Anyway, a spork for your thoughts? I mean, a spork in the review box:D Thanks to everyone who reviewed last time and to those who favorited and added this to your alerts. You make my story feel special! 


	3. Super AIDS

**A/N**: Is this late? I'm sorry. I've been busy and lazy. Excuse both of them, please. :D Just enjoy this chapter. I'm going to try and make the next one longer. I have spring break next week so I suppose I'll have enough time for a few updates next week. By the by, would anyone like to role play with me? Please? I'm so bored lately that I get depressed. O.o Just PM me if you want to…please. 

P.S. Those two twins are not characters I just created for the sake of this fan fiction. They are Disney characters I have warped to fit into this story. Try to guess them. :D

P.P.S. Ack! It has been brought to my attention that there is some confusion about Saix's little sleepover. That's a week from the Friday this chapter is set on. The test is the Monday after the next Friday. Sorry if that confused you. :'D Thank you Metal Chocobo.

**Disclaimer: I do own something in this chapter. That fish named Zexion. He is actually swimming in a tank I have right now. And his name is Zexion.**

* * *

No one goes to the mall on Friday nights. Not unless you were a gangster with your underwear hanging out of you pants, or you worked at the mall, OR you were a pre-teen girl just asking to get raped with your skimpy skirts and your make up. Sadly, those girls only get the pedophiles looking at them. No older boy in their right mind would hit on that. 

Friday night is a busy night for many restaurants and many workers of the restaurants. Except for two, humble members of such a workforce. Friday nights were sometimes the only nights they got off. And where did they choose to go? The mall. Why? One of them wanted ice cream. Why didn't they just go to an ice cream parlor? They weren't that smart. One of the two males had an ice cream cone topped with a pink flavor, it could've been bubble gum or strawberry. Hell, it could've been bubble gum condom flavored. The other had the stationary sea salt ice cream on a stick…thing.

"Did you that flavor to match the color of Marluxia's hair?" Axel asked his purple/blue haired companion.

"Are you insinuating that I'm gay?" Zexion asked back, looking at his so called "friend" out of the corner of his eye.

"No, I'm insinuating that you're in love with Marluxia." Axel smirked slightly.

"I will take that ice cream from you and shove it so far up your ass that the next guy to ass fuck you will have to dig it out so that he can fuck you then when he does it's all sticky and shit and it will be really really painful if you EVER suggest something like that again!" Zexion hissed back. For once Axel was almost afraid of Zexion. Almost.

That was about the time they heard yells and some crashes coming from a nearby store. They turned obediently, looking towards the shop. It was coming from the pet store. Axel, always ready to be a hero rushed to the scene. Zexion sighed, following reluctantly after. All he wanted was some damn ice cream.

* * *

It stared at him. He stared back. It was a water dwelling creature with a small, thing body. On the sides of its head were orange spots, sure to turn red when it grew up, and all along its body it was zebra colored. It was white with a certain pattern of black along its back. It was a small, baby Koi fish. 

Roxas and his newfound friend were having a staring contest. Actually, they were both admiring the other. Roxas had been in here almost everyday for about two weeks now, always looking at that fish. He never bought it because he didn't have the means to take care of it. But it was his friend, nonetheless. It always swam right up to the glass when he came, looking at him with those big cute eyes it had. It just melted Roxas' heart.

He had come to the mall everyday to see if a store had some so weird and undesirable that I cannot mention it in this fan fiction. None of his friends had the time to come with him so he usually came alone. For the past week he had let Axel take him home, then he would put all his stuff away and go straight to the mall. Today was no different; he had done the same thing.

Except for today, two of his classmates had decided to come to the mall as well. They were the worst. They were twins, one a girl and one a boy. They both had brown hair and bright blue eyes. That wasn't the worst of it though; everyday to school they would wear black cat ears and tails to class. And none of the teachers every said anything. One time a teacher had told them to take those things off but they refused and their grandmother was called in. School got let out early that day from all the yelling.

The thing about them, though, was that they were pure evil. No one liked them because they were just so evil. Even the sadistic goth kids hated them. So when they walked into the pet store Roxas groaned, quite loudly, but the two "cats" hadn't heard him.

They walked through the store carefully, spotting anything breakable to plot against it. Even Roxas' little fishie friend seemed wary of them. As they walked into the fish section Roxas puffed up like a dog would when its puppies were threatened.

"Do you see that thing swimming 'round and 'round?" The girl asked, grinning evilly while looking at her brother and pointing at the cute little Koi fish. "Maybe we can reach in and make it drown."

Roxas pressed his back up against the glass, glaring at his two classmates. If they tried anything all hell would break loose.

"If we sneak up upon it carefully," The boy returned her grin, watching the fish swim to just above Roxas' shoulders. "There will be a head for you and a tail for me."

They began advancing on both Roxas and the fish. That's when the poor dog's chain was broken and the mother dog leapt at the intruders, ready to protect her young. Roxas lunged at the two, all of them going to the ground. The twins had more than they wanted now; a good scuffle between a classmate was just peachy keen to them. They shook up against some fish tanks, a few empty tanks fell to the floor, and some glass tanks on the other side of the aisle fell to the ground, shattering. The owner of the store didn't intervene because he knew Roxas was trying to protect that fish he came in everyday to see.

It was two against one, not a very fair fight at all. Roxas was losing badly. He already had a few scrapes on his face and the two twins were getting at him quickly with their sharp nails. Just when he thought he was not only going to lose the battle but his little friend as well the two were pulled off of him while someone yelled, "Get off of him!"

Roxas was lying on his back, looking up. He saw nothing except the ceiling. This seemed like an answer to one of those stupid 'What's up' jokes. A hand was thrown in front of his face. He grabbed it lightly and was pulled up. He fell right into the arms of an older man. That man was Axel.

"Are you alright, Roxas?" Axel asked, looking down at the other. Something wet and sticky was rubbing up against Roxas' cheek.

"Ugh…What is that?" Roxas asked, turning to see what had sullied his good cheek. It was an ice cream. "Dude, your ice cream is all up in my grill."

"Oh, sorry." Axel stepped back, taking his ice cream with him.

"Did you just say 'all up in my grill?'" Zexion asked, his sly smile controlling the laughter that was begging to burst forward.

"No." Roxas gave him a look like he was crazy. Zexion's smile fell. Roxas turned back to Axel. "I was trying to save my buddy from being killed by those two freaks!"

The cat twins hissed before the girl flicked her hair behind her shoulder. "We don't need this." She said, turning on her heel. Her brother agreed with her with a short, "Yeah." They were stopped on the way out, however. They had to pay for all the damage they had done.

"Your buddy?" One of Axel's eyebrows raised slightly. Roxas pointed to the little fish, still just a watching Roxas.

"Aw. What a cute little fishie fishie." Zexion cooed. Both Axel and Roxas looked at him like he was insane. Zexion looked at them like they were insane. Roxas shook his head lightly before going back to the problem.

"They were going to drown him and eat him!" Roxas exclaimed, looking exactly like the little kid he was. Axel's eyes softened. He was about to molest the kid whether he liked it or not when the owner interrupted.

"Thank you for saving the fish from those two." The owner smiled at them. "I'm the owner of this shop, Merlin." He shook hands with Roxas. "I see you looking at that fish everyday. He seems to have taken a liking to you."

"Yeah, I like him too." Roxas replied, smiling. Axel was about to molest him again whether Zexion and Merlin were there or not.

There was a slight pause. Then someone offered to do something no one would have thought of. "I'll buy the fish for him." Zexion offered.

"But I don't have any of the supplies." Roxas looked at him, astonished.

"Don't worry about that! I'll provide you with the supplies as a thank you." Merlin didn't wait for an answer. He was already bustling about, getting everything ready for the little fish.

Axel shot Zexion dirty looks the whole time. Was Zexion trying to make a move on his man? He could see it now, a little smug smile on Zexion's face as his horns and devil tail appeared. And then Axel, with his Holy Bow and his Holy Arrows would shoot little Devil Zexion and smite him back to hell. Then little Human Roxas would confess his undying love to Angel Axel then they would have hot, sweaty sex. Somehow, during his fantasy, he started drooling instead of glaring.

During this Roxas had been given a bag, containing his little friend, and Zexion had been loaded up with the supplies. Zexion had also paid for the little fellow before being loaded down with the supplies. As soon as Axel was back to his senses they began walking out of the shop.

"Have you thought about what you're going to name him?" Axel asked.

"Yeah." Roxas looked down at the little fish in the plastic bag he was carrying. "His name is…" He waited for one, long, dramatic moment. "Zexion."

Axel's jaw dropped and he paled. What?

Zexion let out a triumphant cry. "Haha! I win this, Axel!" He laughed lightly. Axel could've sworn he saw devil horns in all that hair.

* * *

"Looks like my mom's home." Roxas looked from the passenger's seat at his house. A car was parked in the driveway and the lights were on in the house. There was shuffling in the backseat as Zexion tried to get all the supplies together. 

"Yeah, looks like it." Axel's voice was far away. He bit his bottom lip lightly.

"Axel? Is everything okay?" Roxas looked at him, tilting his head slightly.

"It will be…" Axel turned in his seat and began moving forward, towards Roxas. Roxas stared blankly at him. Axel closed his eyes and puckered his lips. Right before their lips touched there was yelling and a crash from the backseat.

"Dammit!" Zexion yelled as he twisted his toe into an odd position.

"Roxas, sweetie." A woman with long, wavy blonde hair had her arms crossed as she looked at Roxas holding a fish and Zexion carrying everything. "I don't mind if you date older men but you can never, ever, date older women."

"Mom-" Roxas started as Zexion grumbled something beside him.

"Roxas! All they want is to spread their STDs to you! You don't want herpes do you?!" She was yelling now. "Or worse, crabs! Just think about using a little comb to rake through your pubic hair and shampooing the things down! Or worse yet, Super AIDS! How would you like getting Super AIDS, Roxas?!"

"Mom! Calm down!" Roxas was yelling back at her now. "He's a man! A man! There is a penis in his pants!" To prove his point Roxas grabbed Zexion's crotch. Hard.

* * *

"I could hear you yelling." Axel smirked as Zexion slumped back into the passenger's seat. "What happened?" 

"Roxas decided to squeeze Zexion Jr. a little too hard." Zexion sounded sour.

"You are one lucky bastard!" After this Axel let out a relay of obscenities that were directed right at Zexion and to the other man's face. It was a very eventful ride for sure.

* * *

**A/N**: And yet another chapter. Thanks to everyone who just reviews and puts this thing on your alert/favorites. It makes me happy, it really does. :'D And don't forget, if you want to role play just PM me! 

P.S. The two twins are the Siamese Cats: A consolation prize is being sent to everyone who participated in the event. Thank you.


	4. Happy St Patrick's Day!

**A/N:** There is no excuse for this being late. I am sorry. Very, very sorry. I was off all week and I didn't write a single thing. I will give a gummy dinosaur to everyone who reads this thing and was waiting for the chapter. The thing is, this chapter doesn't further the story at all. It's a happy holiday chapter. Yes, a St. Patrick's Day chapter. I'll probably bring up things from this chapter so it's worth reading. No, it isn't that funny. I'm sorry for that too. Without my friends, I have no funny things to add to this story. They crack me up. 

I dedicate this chapter to: The Irish, the unicorn, and my friends. I miss those guys.

* * *

It wasn't like Roxas was Irish. He wasn't. It wasn't like Roxas actually celebrated such trivial holidays. He didn't. He only acknowledged holidays that gave warnings before they came up. Like how a few months before Christmas department stores had all their Christmas items out and their plastic trees up. Sometimes even Thanksgiving snuck up on him. So when he woke up on St. Patrick's Day he had been expecting a normal Saturday filled with soccer, friends, and food en mass. He was wrong, though. The little Irish sprites had something else planned for someone who didn't even remember their holiday.

When he climbed out of bed, roughly at noon, got dressed, and stumbled down the stairs he received a pinch from his brother. He yelled quite a lot after that, wondering why his brother had pinched him. He thought they had grown out of that by the time Pokemon was out of style. His brother had told him it was St. Patrick's Day and Roxas wasn't wearing green. Which might've explained why he had went back up the stairs and put on a lime green polo T-shirt. He wasn't going to get pinched anymore that day. Once was enough.

The pinching wasn't where the mischief of the Irish stopped. Oh no, that would be asking too much. His mom had put green dye into the pancake batter that day and had left Roxas some cold, puke green pancakes. He just threw them away, thinking the breakfast item had grown moss on it. He fixed himself a normal looking sandwich, no green additives in this except for maybe a piece of lettuce.

He was eating at his kitchen table, staring out at his backyard through the sliding glass door. It was an alright looking yard. It was spacious, the grass just starting to turn green due to the warm weather, a pond in the far right corner where fish were constantly being taken from by cats and birds, and nice looking plants growing in various, tasteful spots. There were bushes growing along the left wall and ivy was slowly taken over the fence opposite of where Roxas was sitting. A tree shaded the pond and flowers grew around it.

A bush moved slightly and Roxas turned his head to see what it was. A little white bunny had hopped out and was now hopping its merry way across the yard. He smiled at it, and the rabbit stopped. It stood on its hind legs and watched him for a moment. Its nose twitched from one side to the other in thought. Then it looked behind, back at the bushes. Then it scampered across the yard as fast as it could. Something was in those bushes.

Roxas stood from the table and made his way to the door. Without slipping into the shoes left by the door for them to go out in he pulled the glass door to the opposite side and stepped out, sliding the door back once he was out. He gazed at the bushes. What could be in those things? And how the hell did a rabbit get into his yard? He was in the suburbs. No rabbit could get into his yard, even if it was a pet. He slowly began making his way to the bushes.

His feet padded silently across the new grass as he walked. As he got closer he could hear voices. Female voices. There were girls hiding in his bush! He stopped when his big toe was not but an inch away from the bush. He reached his hand forward, to scare the girls to come out.

"You really shouldn't hide in people's yards. That's trespassing and that'll get you arrested." His hand wrapped around something and he pulled it up. When he saw was it was his eyes widened and his jaw dropped. He wasn't holding a Barbie doll even if the girl looking back at him was the size of one. She had bright green eyes and blonde hair pulled into a ponytail on the top of her head. And she was clad in green. They blinked a few times at each other before they yelled and Roxas let go of her. She levitated in mid air, brushing off her clothing and scowling at Roxas.

"So you want my treasure now, huh?" She asked, crossing her arms at him.

"I thought there was more of you?" Roxas offered back, looking towards the bush.

"There are!" Two more girls flew out of the bush, floating right by their friend. They too were dressed in all green.

"We're the Gull Wings!" The one with brown hair told Roxas.

"And it seems that you were able to capture one of us." The one with gray hair turned to look at the blonde girl. "She needs to give up her treasure."

"What?! No way!" The girl replied, fuming and pouting all at once.

"Rikku, it's Leprechaun law that if a human captures you you have to give up your gold!" The brown haired one turned to her. Rikku opened her mouth to protest but Roxas beat her to it.

"Leprechauns?!" He shouted, taking a small step backwards.

"You were expecting something else?" The brown haired one turned back towards him.

"You guys are floating!" He exclaimed, as if that were to explain how they couldn't be Leprechauns. Leprechauns were little old men with red beards who were at the end of rainbows guarding their gold until they got a Visa card. (Pop culture reference right there.)

"So? Leprechauns are magical creatures. We have magic just like the rest of them." The gray haired one scowled at him as she spoke.

"Paine's right." The brown haired one nodded. "I'm Yuna. That's Paine, and the one you caught is Rikku."

"I'm Roxas." He blinked a few times. Was he actually meeting Leprechauns? Chick Leprechauns?

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Roxas. Now Rikku, give him what he owes!" Yuna scolded, shaking a finger at her friend.

"Oh…" Rikku pouted. "Alright…" She flew right up to Roxas. "Here you go." He lifted his hand to her and she placed a gold coin in it.

"Now it's your turn to help us!" Yuna smiled at him. Roxas was suddenly alert. He had heard of Leprechaun's trickery. He wouldn't be tricked into giving back his hard earned gold coin.

"What do I have to do?" Roxas asked.

"We're looking for a man. Two men, actually. The most important of the two, though, is the Leprechaun Prince." Yuna explained, a spark coming into her eyes as she spoke. "That's what all the Leprechaun's are doing today instead of playing tricks on humans."

"Do you know what this Leprechaun Prince looks like?" Roxas asked.

Rikku nodded. "Yeah! He's said to have very, very red hair and green eyes. Some myths say his hair spikes out." She made wild hand gestures that weren't relevant at all to what they were talking about.

"Huh…" Roxas thought for a moment. Why did Axel pop into his mind? Red hair…green eyes…. "He is like a Leprechaun!" He shouted, mostly to himself.

"You know him!?" They all gasped and flew closer to him.

"Well, it might not be him but it could be." Roxas frowned slightly at them. "His name is Axel."

"Doesn't sound like a very Irish name…" Yuna returned his frown.

"Neither does Yuna, Rikku, or Paine…" Roxas mumbled.

"Point taken." Yuna nodded slightly. "Will you deliver something to him for us?"

"Sure. What?" Roxas held out his hand again.

"This little bottle, please." Yuna produced a tiny bottle with a tiny cork in it from only God knows where and placed it in his hand. She grinned slightly. "You better check your pockets!"

Roxas looked down at himself and began looking through his pockets. Where had the coin gone? When he looked up the three Leprechauns were gone. He frowned and uncorked the bottle, dumping the little note that was inside into his hand. He slowly unrolled it.

"Never take your eye of a Leprechaun,

They play tricks that fool the wisest of men,

And as long as you keep your eye upon them,

They will never be able to fool you!"

Roxas groaned. He'd been tricked! By three little Leprechauns! He pocketed the bottle. Oh well, at least this would be a fun story to tell his grandchildren on St. Patrick's Day.

* * *

**A/N:** Again, I'm sorry. I'll try to have a decent chapter up soon. One that shows character relationships, plot, and funnies. Remember to take your free gummy dinosaur. I have a limited supply so try to be quick!

P.S. I understand if I don't get reviews for this…thing. :'D You may hit me with a spork.


	5. The Rescue Part 1

**A/N:** I AM SO TERRIBLY SORRY! I didn't mean for you guys to wait TWO WEEKS for this thing. Ugh. I just got super busy. The first week back to school from spring break I could've written it, but I hardly got any sleep that week so I was always sleeping constantly when I got home. Then last week I started Driver's Ed. I spent two hours there after like, thirty minutes at home from school then when I got home I had to do homework from school and Driver's Ed. I am sooooo sorry! Forgive me? Pleaassee? I promise to update sooner. I'll have to update on weekends. 

On another note, I would like to say that I want a Beta Reader or whatever you crazy kids call them these days. If you want the position you get to read the chapters before everyone else and help me make them spiffy:D This is a first come first serve thing. First person to reply and want this gets it. But you have to be online, like, constantly. I'm gonna want to send you the chapter as soon as I get finished with it.

On the finishing note…

**GO SEE BLADES OF GLORY NOW!**

Thank you.

* * *

It was Thursday. The day before Saix's little molest fest and Roxas was antsy. Very, extremely antsy. He squirmed in his seat in every class, even his friends noticed and questioned his behavior. But he couldn't tell them what was going to happen to him. That would be humiliating! And he really didn't need a rumor spreading about him. Rumors were dangerous and needed to be kept in cages. One time a rumor had spread about a boy that he was pregnant, which escalated to the rumor that he was a girl, then to that he was gay, and only one of those was true. Roxas could just see it now, it started out as a rumor about how Saix liked to molest little boys, to him molesting Roxas, to Roxas being his love toy, and then to Roxas being his sex kitten. No, he couldn't tell them.

There was a safe place to go. He could tell them all about his problems and they would help him. Right? Right. He would go there after school, get their help. They all took care of him in little ways, like he was their baby brother.

"I've got a big, big problem! I'm gonna get molested!" Roxas burst through the doors of the restaurant, face slightly flushed and panting lightly. If Axel had been there he would have been turned on. However, he was currently picking up Roxas, who was currently in the restaurant.

"I'll say. You left Axel behind." Marluxia noted, being the only one in the dining area of the restaurant.

"I texted him that I was coming here." Roxas gave him an utterly perplexed, but adorable, face.

"Axel doesn't have a cell phone." Now it was Marluxia's turn to be confused.

"Then who did I text?" Roxas asked.

"I got a text from Roxas!" Someone shouted from the kitchen.

* * *

"I see." The purple/blue haired man in front of him nodded while Roxas finished up his story. "Are you gay?"

"What?!" Roxas shrieked, staring at him with wide eyes.

"Well, are you?" Zexion asked.

"No. I'm straight. Like an arrow." Roxas pointed out, getting over having been asked a stupid question. Axel was bound to be back anytime now (Zexion had sent Demyx out on a search party.) and Roxas now decided he didn't want a word of this to catch up with Axel. He didn't want to look like jail bait to his cool older friend.

"I see." Zexion repeated, holding a hand to his chin. "I have a plan. But first we're going to have to go to the bookstore down the street. Just give me money and I can buy the goods for you."

Roxas cocked an eyebrow. What goods? He didn't want drugs. Was Zexion's plan to get him hyped up on dope so that Saix wouldn't want him anymore?! What kind of half baked plan was that! He sighed in defeat. He was willing to try anything. He didn't want to get molested or worse…He shivered at the thought.

* * *

Axel sat in his car, happily awaiting the arrival of his blonde companion. He sat, and sat, and sat. The crowd of kids thinned. Roxas was usually out by now. Still Axel waited. Then there was the sound of something hitting his window, much like when a bird runs into the window of your house. Only it wasn't a bird.

"Shit! What the fuck!" Axel roared in his car, snapping off his seatbelt and rolling down the window. He leaned out of it, trying to figure out just what had happened.

There was Demyx, sprawled out in the street, he had on his roller blades. Apparently he didn't know how to stop them.

"Dammit Demyx! Were you trying to give me a heart attack?!" Axel growled at him.

"N-no!" Demyx replied, holding onto Axel's car to help himself up. "I came to tell you that Roxas is with Zexion and doesn't need a ride."

"Oh…" Axel silently cursed Zexion. That sneaky bastard was always one step ahead of him. "How the hell did run into my car? You might've put a dent in it!"

"Well…" Demyx started, thinking for a moment. He wanted to make the story good, to impress Axel. "I was skating and a rock ran out in front of me, just a few feet from your car. It laughed at me and then I tripped over it and fell right into your car door!" There was a red mark on Demyx's forehead and he pointed to it, as if that would prove that his story was true.

"Rocks don't run and they don't laugh. You're a stupid person. Get in the car." Axel grumbled, leaning back in his seat and rolling up the window. Demyx let out a small cry of joy and headed to other side of the car, opening the door and getting into the passenger's seat. They drove the long way to right across the street. Before they could pull into a parking spot Marluxia was at Axel's window, tapping on it. Axel thanked whatever divine spirit was up there for not letting Marluxia run into his car.

"Zexion and Roxas went to the bookstore down the street. I thought you'd like to know, Axel." Marluxia winked at him before glaring at Demyx. "You," He pointed at the boy. He smiled and waved slightly. "Your shoes somehow got on the roof. Have a nice day." Demyx stared blankly at him. He didn't have time to react because Axel was already pulling out of the parking lot.

* * *

The automatic doors slid open. Demyx stared at them, his mind captivated by the doors. He stepped into the store, then out. Then in, then out, in out, in out. Finally Axel was fed up with this and pulled the blonde boy in.

"What do you think you're doing?!" Axel hissed at him.

"I'm sorry! But every time I go through the doors it makes me feel like I'm a Jedi!" Demyx cried out.

"Are you two done playing Beavis and Butthead? I'd really like to go back to work." Zexion was staring them straight in the face. A little Roxas was at his side, holding a brown paper bag up to his face.

"Zexion!" Demyx cried, obviously overjoyed that Zexion was standing there. He ran over to him, in socks of course, to give him a hug.

"Don't touch me." Zexion held out his hand before he could get hugged and Demyx bounced off and to the side.

"Roxas!" Axel was a lot more successful than Demyx was in giving the other boy a hug. Mainly because Axel scooped Roxas up into his arms to do it.

"A-Axel!" Roxas' face heated up instantly and turned cherry red. "I-I gotta go home!" He jumped from Axel's arms and sprinted out the door. He was a fast little one.

"What was that about?" Axel asked, frowning.

"He just doesn't want his super cool college friend to know that he looks at porn." Zexion crossed his arms and smirked a little. "Porn with WOMEN!"

"He's straight?!" Axel's jaw fell, and he felt like he was turning white all over from shock. In reality his face just paled slightly.

"Yup. And I'm helping him get rid of a molester. Toodles!" Zexion waved slightly and walked out of the door. Poor Axel was left in the store, still in shock.

* * *

The next day…. 

Roxas squirmed in his seat. He was in the period he had right before Algebra. He couldn't believe he was about to do this. He couldn't believe that it would work. He wasn't sure what Zexion was thinking when he came up with this plan. It wouldn't work. But it was worth a shot. Right? Right. He had to trust Zexion. He still couldn't get over the anxiety of this. If he was lucky all would go well. If he wasn't luck he'd have a piece of Saix up his ass. "I hope this works, Zexion."

* * *

Zexion walked out of the manager's office, where Xemnas had let him change. Demyx had to cover his nose to hold back a nosebleed. Zexion was wearing quite the provocative clothing. He wore tight leather pants, that made his butt seem a little tighter than normal, a black leather vest over a long sleeved, white cowboy shirt that had the last few buttons undone, to show off his gorgeous stomach. On his head was a black cowboy hat.

"Howdy y'all!" He said once he had come out of the office. His voice was dripping with a southern accent that seemed quite genuine.

"You're going like that?" Marluxia asked.

"Why of course." Zexion's accent was dropped. "If I know this Saix guy as well as I do then he's a sucker for gay cowboys."

"But you've never met this guy." Marluxia pointed out. Axel was over being Emo in a corner because Zexion was once again, one step ahead of him.

"He has a Myspace, you know. There's picture of Brokeback Mountain all over the place. All of his friends are dressed up as slutty cowboys too. Trust me on this, I got it covered." Zexion began heading for the door.

Demyx joined Axel in the corner, being Emo. Zexion had dressed up like that for someone else. He was never going to get anywhere with him.

"I'll see you folks later." The southern accent was back. Zexion tipped his hat and smiled before disappearing out the door. He didn't really disappear since the door was made of glass and you could see him crossing the street. He was on his way to rescue poor little Roxas.

* * *

**A/N:** Was it gooooddd? I hope so. Position of editor/Beta Reader has been filled. Thank you! 

Remember:

**GO SEE BLADES OF GLORY!**


	6. The Rescue Part 2

**A/N**: Er..Hi? DON'T HURT ME! ...Good. Now, let me explain why this is so terribly and gruesomely late. Number one, I went out of town sometime in April. The weekend before that I was busy doing stuff for it. Then I went and had a really good time. When I came back┘well┘I had a butt load of school work to do because I didn't get it before I went. Then it was the end of the six weeks and the end of the school year so I had projects, reviews, homework, projects, tests, and more projects. I apologizing for not getting my shit together. I am truly sorry. There may be some mistakes because I didn't go through my editor person. It was just too damn late. 

I wonder if anyone will actually read this because it's so late?

* * *

"Why is it taking them so long?" Axel asked his companion as the two of them pressed their faces to the glass of the restaurant's window, trying to watch for Zexion to come back with Roxas.

"What if they're both getting raped?!" Demyx squeaked, pressing his face harder against the glass.

"AHHHH!" Axel yelled, trying to claw his way through the glass.

"How long do you think they're going to keep that up?" Marluxia asked one of the cooks, a rather large man. The cook's name was Lexaeus.

"I bet..Four hours." Lexaueus scratched his chin thoughtfully.

"I bet two hours!" Came a shout from the kitchen.

"I quit." Lexaeus shook his head lightly. No one bet against Luxord.

* * *

"Where does one go about getting a map of this place?" Zexion walked into the office, his cowboy hat clutched in his hands as he did so. He wanted to seem like a little considerate hick. His dyed hair went against that, however. 

"Sir! I can help you over here!" One of the secretaries called. Zexion looked around. All the secretaries looked the same with their facial features and their clothing. Were they all quintuplets or something? And half of them weren't even secretaries...Weird. The one that had called out to Zexion raised her hand and waved him over. He walked towards her. "What can I do for you, sir?"

"My family just moved here and my little brother's starting high school next year. I was wondering if you had a map and a list of freshmen teachers that I could go talk to?" Zexion scratched his head as if he were a simpleton.

"Got them right here!" The lady dug through a pile of papers, something about wavers for the cafeteria food, it seemed like, until she found exactly what she was looking for. She handed the map to Zexion while she wrote something on the piece of paper. After she was done she handed the other paper to him. "I've put stars by the freshmen teachers. What is your name, sir?"

"Simple Pigglyton." Zexion said in a rush. It was the first thing that came to his mind and he wasn't about to let it slip away from him.

The woman smiled at him before scribbling down onto a name tag. "Here you go, sir. Make sure to wear this at all times or else a bomb threat will be issued." She said as Zexion was putting on the name tag. As soon as the words bomb threat were out of her mouth the other secretaries took out their identical cell phones. "Calm down! He's wearing a name tag!" The first one yelled at them. They all put their cell phones away.

As he was walking out of the office Zexion wondered how Roxas could be so normal given the circumstances in which he was in. His school was loony, his mom was loony, and the restaurant was loony. How could Roxas be sane?

* * *

Roxas was not sane. He might have seemed sane because he could have been the least insane out of all of them. But nonetheless, he was still insane. He sat in his Algebra class, eyes darting from here to there, wondering just who was watching his poor pathetic self. Paranoia? You'd be pretty paranoid too if you had to pull out a porn magazine in the middle of class. So with shaking hands he pulled out his "Algebra Book." Little did anyone know a tiny little (well, not exactly) magazine was hiding within the pages of the book. 

Roxas was still shaking when he set the book down on his desk. Then, like a good little boy, he slid down in his seat and rested the book in his lap and opened it to where the covers of the book rested against the desk. (The book was resting vertically in the boy's lap.) He flipped through the pages until he found that oh so tantalizing cover of the porn magazine. If he was actually into girls he would find this experience quite exhilarating. Oh yes, he had lied to Zexion about him being straight. But why would Roxas want a super cool college student to know he gay? Of course, if he ever felt any feelings for Zexion he would probably tell him...

He shook his head. This was no time to be lost in thought about some stupid, non exciting stuff! He was on an adventure here! A quest of sorts! He turned a couple of pages until he saw a very...exposed female human sitting in an awkward position. He could feel his face heating up just at the sight.

"What's this?!" The boy sitting behind him exclaimed in an excited whisper. The boy's name was Jack. He was a scary goth creature, he was too tall to be a freshman (which he was indeed), he was skin and bones, and his skin color was that of bright snow. And the fact he had large black circles under his eyes didn't help him looking any less gothic. His girlfriend, Sally, was a cute petite girl who was nice but had too much interest in needles and sewing. She was the star of home ec, that was for sure.

"N-nothing!" Roxas stuttered to him, almost about to shut the book in a hurry. Then he remembered Zexion's plan was on riding somebody discovering that he had such a filthy magazine.

"No, what's this?" Jack leaned to the side of his desk and reached a bony arm forward, tapping one of his long, bony fingers on the page. The girl was holding some kind of new energy drink of sorts, and Jack did indeed love his energy drinks.

Roxas, glad that the attention was off of the naked lady happily talked. "Oh! That's Rockstar, you know, party like a rock star. Or something...I've had it before. The juice one turned my pee lime green."

"Oh..There's got to be some sort of chemical in it if it turned your pee lime green. I should check out one of the cans someday. If I find out what it was I'll tell you." Jack gave him a small grin.

"Thanks." Roxas nodded to him as Jack went back to learning math. He felt amazed and happy at the same time from his run in with the gothic kid. Jack wasn't as scary as he looked...And the fact he was kind of smart surprised Roxas too. Oh yeah, and the fact he had kept his eyes strictly on the energy drink instead of the lady made Roxas squee inside. Jack was keeping true to Sally!

"Roxas, Jack, don't think I didn't hear you two talking back there." Saix turned from the board to stare menacingly at the two boys.

"Uh..uh.." Roxas knew this was it. This was when the plan came out.

"I was just helping Roxas with his math." Jack offered, trying to give a smile.

"Yes, and I suppose talking about lime green pee had something to do with Algebra." Saix began stalking towards them. Roxas' heart beat a thousand times faster than it did normally. "What's this?" Saix plucked the magazine straight from the book.

Roxas couldn't answer. He was ashamed. "What does it look like?" Jack answered for him.

Saix frowned. "Why don't you two take this down to the office? Hm? Would you two like that?" Both boys stared up at him. "Get your stuff and go!" He ordered. The boys scrambled to get their things together. Roxas was given the magazine to hold as they went to the office. Saix watched them leave and sighed. "Now class, you should learn a very important lesson from this. Never bring dirty magazines to school to share with your friends."

* * *

"Man this sucks...What if we get detention for this?" Jack cursed the heavens for this.

"Sorry I dragged you into this too. You should've just pinned it all on me." Roxas replied, frowning.

"I should've..but oh well. At least you don't have to go alone." Jack gave a small grin. "Who's that freak?" Not that Jack could really talk...Roxas looked up. Yep, that was definetly a freak. A freak in a cowboy monkey suit.

The cowboy gave Roxas a thumbs up as he passed. Roxas gave him a shaky thumbs up back.

"Was that an Emo cowboy?" Jack turned to him, confused.

"Yes, yes it was." Roxas replied, sighing. Zexion was a loon.

"Not to be mean or anything but he's about as cowboy as Olive Garden is Italian." Jack blinked a couple of time.

"I'm sure he knows..." Roxas sighed again.

* * *

"Howdy there! Do ya mind if I sent in on the class? I got important things to watch for." Zexion smiled widely at the dumbfounded teacher. 

"Sure. Why not?" Saix let the strange man into the class.

"Howdy everyone! How ya'll doin'?!" Zexion shouted lightly to the class. "I hope you guys don't mind if I sit in on your class! Just go about everything normally!" He sat right at Saix's desk, legs propped up ON the desk. Everyone in the room stared blankly. After a few more minutes of just staring Saix finally turned his back to the strange intruder (who was quite attractive)

As soon as everyone was focused on Algebra Zexion began digging around in Saix's desk. He did it quietly so that no one would expect him of anything. It didn't take long to find just what he was looking for. A little black book. He pulled it out of the desk, closed all the drawers quietly, and sat back in the chair. Time to look at the dirt.

_Day 01_

_It's the first day of school and I can't believe what I'm seeing. There is a cute little blonde boy in my fourth period class. His name is Roxas. I never thought I'd be attracted to someone so much younger than I. His butt is well rounded and quite squishy. I had the pleasure of accidentally running into it. I'm looking forward to this year._

O-kay. Zexion had expected naked picture of little boys, not a diary. But whatever, it was alright. At least now he had Saix's own words to use against him. And--woah! Something just fell out of the book! It was a picture...Zexion picked it up, inspecting it. It was a picture of this round, squishy butt. Axel would like this picture. Too bad Zexion wasn't going to take it. It was good evidence. He sat back and watched the time go flying by.

* * *

"Now, you two know why I'm letting you off the hook, am I correct?" Principal Ansem the Wise (odd name. The students made a daily habit of making fun of it.) looked at the two with scrutinizing eyes. 

"Yes." The two boys, Roxas and Jack, nodded simultaneously. "You want to go on your fishing trip right now."

"I sure do!" Ansem stood up, in all of his fishing gear, grabbed his fishing poles from in the corner of the office, and scuttled out of there like a monkey looking for bananas. Jack and Roxas just simply watched him.

"Want to look at his computer?" Jack asked.

"Hell yeah!" Roxas smiled evilly. (Axel would have said it was a very sexy smile.) The two moved to the other side of the desk, Jack shaking the mouse to get the screen saver off. Roxas took this time to look around the room. It was very...odd, to say the least. Sitting on one of the filing cabinets was a toaster, in one of the corners sat a vacuum, on the desk was a yellow desk lamp, a long with a red, antique looking radio (Roxas knew the guys was old but he kind of hoped he wasn't THAT old.) and in one of the spare chairs was a heating blanket.

"It's up!" Jack alerted him so that Roxas would turn back to look at the screen.

"...There sure is a bunch of...Mickey Mouse stuff." Roxas blinked several times at the screen.

* * *

The bell rang. The students stood from their desk and started to leave. Saix reminded them that yes, they did have a test on Monday. When the last student left Zexion got out from behind Saix's desk and walked to the front of the class where Saix was. He stood chest to chest with the other man, letting his breath hit Saix's neck. 

"I know what you want." Zexion said in a sexy whisper. Demyx would've hit an orgasm if Zexion ever did this to him.

"You do now?" Saix asked back, smirking. Yes! He might actually get laid sometime this weekend! With consent!

Zexion lifted the little black book he had found in Saix's desk and backed away from him. Saix stared in horror. "I do. Now, agree to my terms and no one will ever have to know about this." He got a weak nod from the blue haired teacher. "I want you to resign right now. Then refuse to come back on Monday. You will never set foot in this school again. Am I clear?" Another weak nod. Now it was Zexion's turn to smirk. "Good. I'll be keeping this to make sure you stay in line." He put the little black book into one of his pockets.

Score one for Zexion! Saix, zero.

* * *

**A/N**: Can you name all the Disney characters that appear in this? There's six. Sally doesn't count. She was just mentioned. 


	7. Get Together and Sing!

**A/N**: This chapter was late for a reason, k? I had to beat last chapter's record for reviews. I like beaitng records. So you guys know what you gotta do if you don't want a chapter a month later? You beat my review record! D Show this thing to your friends to get them to review, or something. There's 94 of you on the alert list, I think you can all pull through, ne?

So here it is, last chapter's reviews: 32. Get me 33 reviews quickly and you'll have another chapter.

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN THE BANANA PHONE! Thank you.**

P.S. My neighbor's dog is named after Chewbacca. Weird. His name is Chewwie. Anyway, read on.

* * *

Since Roxas couldn't go home, he was seated in a booth in the restaurant and given crayons to draw on all their good napkins with. He took up space on the Friday night scene but no one really cared, except angry customers who saw a kid sit there for two hours in a spot their family could've dined at. But who cared about customers, psh! And since Roxas wouldn't dare go home that night, either, Axel had been the first one to offer him a place to stay. I mean, Axel offered Roxas a place where Axel would molest him. 

By now it was around eight in the evening and customers were starting to slow down. Demyx had taken it upon himself to sit down with Roxas to watch him color and draw and do all the crazy things you can do with crayons. Minus sticking them up your nose and eating them. Can anyone say, pooping a rainbow?

"What's that?" Demyx asked, pointing to a stick figure outlined in red that had a...flower? On its head.

"That's a dinosaur." Roxas replied happily, continuing to color...whatever he was coloring. Demyx refused to try and figure out what any of them were any more. Call him dyslexic or Roxas was a horrible artist.

"Well, I've got to get going. There are tables to clean." Demyx stood and walked off, snatching a napkin that had drawings all over it from the table. He wanted someone else to see these! They were horrible! So he went to the person he knew would make fun of them to no end. Marluxia. "What do you see here?" He asked, holding up the napkin to the host.

"Dinosaurs." Marluxia replied. "Now go away. I don't want to be seen with you."

So Demyx walked away, staring at the napkin in horror. What the hell?! How could anyone actually tell what that was?! So he went to the next person he saw.

"What does this look like to you?" Demyx asked, holding the napkin up to a female waitress who only came in on weekends. Her name was Larxene.

"A fucking dinosaur." She growled then went back to serving some of her remaining customers. No one annoyed that girl more than Demyx.

So Demyx walked through the rest of the restaurant, trying to find someone else who couldn't tell what it was. He came upon his fiery headed friend, Axel, and showed him the napkin.

"How cute!" Axel said happily. "It's a dinosaur! Did Roxas draw that?" When Demyx nodded he was inevitably mugged and the napkin was stolen. Oh well. Another day, another napkin.

* * *

"Goodnight everybody!" Axel waved to the last few remaining workers and Roxas followed suit, waving as well. They headed for the redhead's car, talking about useless things. Tonight was the night Axel was going to make his move! Whether Roxas was straight or not! He'd MAKE the kid fall for him. Then he would sex him up and leave him to hang dry. That's how he rolled. 

"Thanks for taking me in again." Roxas said when they got to the car, he himself climbing into the passenger's seat and Axel getting into the driver's seat. The boy put his backpack in the floor, just like he did on normal days.

"Well, I couldn't very well let you get mutilated by your mother, now could I?" Axel asked, smirking at him as he started car. They drove in silence for a while until Roxas couldn't help to notice something very odd.

"There are cows everywhere." He said, watching yet another cow pass by.

"Yeah. It happens all the time. You need to get out more. They're all over the town at night. Demyx thinks they're zombie cows." Axel nodded in agreement with his own statement.

"Oh. Zombie cows. Great." Roxas seemed to nod to himself, just like Axel had been doing.

* * *

"He-ey, Zexi-on!" Demyx cooed, finding the waiter behind the bar. That was where he usually was stationed during these times. 

"What do you want?" Zexion asked him, glaring with one eye while he wiped a glass clean.

"Do you want to go hang out!?" The Star Wars obsessed young male said, his eyes gleaming with hope.

"What would we do?" Zexion asked, a little bit haughtily. It's not like he had things to do, he just didn't want to do something stupid. Which Demyx seemed only capable of doing.

"I was thinking, we could watch a movie in my dorm. Wouldn't that be awesome?" Demyx at least wasn't cooing anymore. Zexion was less wary that way.

"What movie would we watch?" Zexion asked, putting the glass down to give Demyx his full attention.

"Star Wars!"

"No."

"Aw...Why not?"

"Why?"

"'Cause Star Wars is awesome!"

"It's boring and overrated."

"Nu-uh."

"Shut up, Chewbacca."

"..." Demyx left the area, looking entirely like a kicked little puppy.

Zexion watched him go, only feeling a small pang of regret. "Maybe I shouldn't have called him Chewbacca..."

"NOBODY MOVE!" Luxord ran out of the kitchen, his apron swishing every which way. Everyone paused exactly where they were. "The liver ran away."

Somewhere, deep within the depths of the darkest corners of the restaurant, a squealing was heard. That was, undoubtedly, the liver.

* * *

Roxas and Axel were still, somehow, driving. Axel seemed to have gotten very lost because of the blonde piece of hot ass that was sitting next to him. What could he say? You'd be pretty distracted too if such a cutie was biting on his finger. 

Roxas perked up at a stoplight, pointing to the car beside them. "Hey! My brother's in that car!" He could see Sora as clear as day. Riku was the one driving. Roxas started pounding on the window, trying to get Riku's attention. When that didn't work he started to press his face up against the window, making funny faces at the car beside them.

As cute as that was, Axel didn't want his windows all smudged with Roxas' skin oil and saliva. So he rolled down the window from his side of the car. Roxas was startled, but lucklily he had enough common sense to pull his head away from the window. Now that the window was down he began waving his arms outside of the car.

Sora was the one to notice him. He turned towards Riku's window and smiled that huge, goofy grin of his and pointed. Riku turned as well, but didn't look interested in him at all. He just turned back to the road and mumbled something to Sora. Sora said something happily back and waved at Roxas. Then he noticed who was driving. He gave Roxas a questioning look and Roxas returned it with a scolding look. That meant, 'Do not tell mother.' Sora got it.

The light turned green and both cars went down a different road. Riku and Sora went straight and Axel and Roxas turned to the left. Axel had a few questions for Roxas.

"Who was that with your brother?" He asked. He thought the silver haired one was his brother. Certainly not that overly happy marshmallow in the next seat.

"The one driving? That's Riku. He's Sora's best friend." Roxas answered. Well, that cleared things up for everyone.

"So your brother was the..."

"The happy one."

"Oh."

They sat in silence for a moment or two more. Then Axel had another question that he just needed an answer to.

"Are they dating?" Axel eyed Roxas using his peripheral vision.

"What?!" Roxas stared at him like he was insane.

"I mean...I just saw your brother pumping something that happened to be in that guy's lap..." Axel let out a nervous laugh. Uh-oh.

"TURN THE CAR AROUND!" Roxas yelled, flipping in his seat to view the street they had just turned off of. "I'M GONNA CASTRATE RIKU!"

* * *

"Riku..." Sora whined, holding up a remote control he had gotten out from between Riku's legs. "Why do you have a tv remote in your car?" 

Inwardly, Riku was, Fufuing-that's an evil laugh-and smirking. He remained calm and collected on the outside, however. "I don't know." He answered.

"Oh. But it's pretty weird it ended up in a place like that." Sora was fingering the remote in his lap now.

"Yeah, it is." Riku had to let a tiny smirk on his face before going back to a neutral look, driving safely down the road.

* * *

Roxas was now sitting comfortably on Axel's couch, pouting slightly. Axel had smacked him (gently of course) until he sat back down in the car seat, and forgot all about Riku wanted to have sex with Sora. Or Sora giving Riku handjobs for that matter. So here he sat, waiting for Axel to get back from...the bathroom? Was that where he said he was going? Roxas hadn't paid him much attention. 

He heard a door open somewhere behind him in the apartment. Axel must be coming back! Yay! He listened for the man. No footsteps...Just weird little shuffling. Then around the couch came a...banana? It climbed its way up the coffee table (for it had arms, legs, and even a little face on it. The face drawn on, however.) and stood, staring at Roxas. Then, it started to sing. Or play music. Roxas wasn't sure.

_"Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring banana phone,_

_Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring banana phone,_

_I've got this feeling, so appealing,_

_For us to get together and sing! Sing!"_

_"Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring banana phone,_

_Ding dong ding dong ding dong ding donana phone,_

_It grows in bunches,_

_I've got my hunches,_

_It's the best! Beats the rest!_

_Cellular, modular, interactiveodular!"_

Roxas looked at the banana, then looked around the rest of the room. Where was Axel at a time like this?!

_"Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring banana phone,_

_Boop-boo-ba-doo-ba-doop,_

_Ping pong ping pong ping pong ping panana phone,_

_It's no baloney, it ain't a p(h)ony,_

_My cellular, bananaular phone!"_

_"Don't need quarters, don't need dimes, to call friend of mine,_

_Don't need computer or tv,_

_To have a real good time!_

_I'll call for pizza, I'll call my cat,_

_I'll call the white house, have a chat!_

_I'll call around the world, operator get me Beijing-jing-jing-jing!"_

Music began playing and Roxas had to wonder if it was about to finish. Nope. It kept on going.

_"Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring banana phone,_

_Boop-boo-ba-doo-ba-doop,_

_Yin yang yin yang yin yang yin yonanan phone!_

_It's a real live mama and papa phone,_

_A brother and sister and a dogophone,_

_A grandpa phone and a grandma phone too! Oh yeah!_

_My cellular, bananaular phone!"_

_"Banana phone, ring, ring ring,_

_(It's a phone with a peel!)_

_Banana phone, ring, ring ring,_

_(Now you can have your phone and eat it too!)_

_Banana phone, ring, ring, ring,_

_(This song drives me bananas!)_

_Banana phone, ring ring, ring!"_

_"Boop-ba-doo-ba-doop-doop!"_

Now it was finished. Roxas stared at it awkwardly. What the hell was this?! He looked behind him. Still no sign of Axel. He turned back to the...banana phone, he guessed it was.

"Sorry about the song. Protocols, you see." The banana phone was talking to him.

"It's...alright." Roxas offered. This way too weird for him. Why did Axel have something like this in his house?

"Why don't you pick me up? I'll make it worth you while! I'll put you through to the most exhilerating call in your life." Well, the banana seemed innocent enough. Roxas picked it up and placed it on his ear. Well, he felt like a monkey now.

The phone began ringing. Weird. He waited for whoever it was to answer. "Is this the banana phone calling again?" A male voice on the other end asked.

Roxas waited for the banana phone to answer. It didn't. "Erm. No, it's someone else." He answered.

"Did the banana phone put you up to this?" The man asked. He assumed it was a man, because the voice sounded older.

"Yeah..." Roxas muttered. Did the banana phone call this guy all the time? This was really weird.

"Okay. Since you sound like a nice kid, I'm going to do something special for you. You just have to do everything I say. Got it?"

"Uh, sure."

"Good. First thing you do, take off your shirt." Roxas frowned. A guy over the phone wanted him to take off his shirt? Well, he couldn't see him, so he took off his shirt. "Shirt off? Good. Now, the pants come off. Don't give me any lip, this is going to be worth it. Underwear stays on." Roxas took off his pants. "Now, I want you to lie down on the couch. When you lie down, spread you legs so wide one of them is off the couch." Roxas did as he was told. "Now, put one hand of your fingers down into your boxers or whitey tighties, or whatevers, just down to the first joint. Just past your fingernails." Again, Roxas complied. "Now cover one of your nipples with the other hand. The closest nipple would be better. Got it?"

"Yeah, I think so. But what does this have to do with anything?" Roxas asked.

The man cackled and laughed. "You'll see." Then a dial tone was heard.

Well, that was certainly strange. Roxas sat there for a few minutes. The banana phone was hugging onto his cheek. He leaned into the banana phone. What was he supposed to do now?

Little did he know Axel had returned from showering as soon as Roxas had gotten into his final position, and had to return to the bathroom with a slight nosebleed. Okay, it wasn't slight. It was major. When he got back about ten minutes later, Roxas was still there, snuggling the banana phone. They had become friends. Axel coughed.

The banana phone jumped up. "Sir! I can explain!" It said hastily.

"No, banana phone. You called Xemnas again. Go away and leave Roxas alone! Shoo!" Axel glared at it.

"Aw...Okay..." The banana phone jumped off the couch and walked back towards the closet from which it came.

"Axel!" Roxas sat up, watching his new found friend go. "I like the banana phone!"

"Is that what it told you it was called?" Axel asked, trying to ignore the fact Roxas was sitting almost completely naked on his couch. "And put your clothes back on."

Roxas got off the couch and indeed, put his clothes back on. "What's its name then?" He asked, strapping his belt on. For some reason he put on his shirt last.

"Lucifer." Axel retorted, sitting on the couch. Roxas paused in getting his shirt, wondering why in the hell Axel had Satan in his apartment. Better yet, why Satan had decided to be a banana phone. Axel noticed the weird look on Roxas' face. "I'm just kidding! His name is Gizmo. A guy named Vexen gave it to me. Maybe someday you'll meet him at the restaurant."

"Yeah." Roxas nodded and slipped on his shirt. "Axellll." He whined. Axel looked up. Aw! Roxas was so cute! "I'm hungry!" And now he wasn't. Axel didn't like spending money on things he was just going to fuck and leave!

"Erm...Can you go find something in the kitchen?" Axel asked. Roxas shook his head. "...I'll order a pizza then. Gizmo, get out here!" The banana phone came back.

"Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring banana phone!"

A song and two tv shows later someone finally rang the doorbell. Axel answered it, of course, and took the pizza from the boy and gave him money. Roxas and Gizmo were playing leap frog at the moment. Gizmo could jump pretty high, so it was alright. Axel didn't want to stop them, either. It was nice to look at Roxas' ass so much.

"Pizza!" He sat the box down on the coffee table. The two stopped playing their games and Gizmo hopped up onto Roxas' shoulder. The meandered over to the pizza box. Axel flipped it open and took out a slice.

Roxas just stared at the pizza. "Can I have a plate?" He asked.

"What for?" Axel was already eating his.

"Um...I gotta pick off all the cheese. I'm lactose intolerant." Roxas gave a weary smile. Axel grumbled something but got up and got the boy a paper plate. "Thanks." He sat and put two pieces of the cheese pizza and began disrobing it of its cheese. He hated the taste of cheese, anyway.

They ate in silence. It was a good eat.

"It's getting late." Axel said, once all the pizza was gone and Gizmo was back in his closet. "I think it's time for bed."

Roxas yawned. "Yeah. Where can I get a pillow and a blanket?" He asked. He was planning on sleeping on the couch. Axel had planned for him to sleep in the same bed. Oh well. He didn't want the cops bursting in to find Roxas in his bed, so Roxas' idea was better.

"Hold on. I'll get it for you." Axel left to his room. When he came back he had the nicest pillow and the nicest blanket in the whole house ready for Roxas. "Here you go." He placed them in Roxas' arms.

"Thanks again, Axel, for all this." Roxas flashed Axel a smile that just melted his heart.

"Anytime, kid..." Axel scratched the back of his neck and smiled sheepishly. "Now get some rest." He walked towards the lightswitch.

Roxas fought with the blanket for a few moments, then when it was all spread out over his body he snuggled down into it, pulling the covers up to his chin. "Goodnight, Axel."

"Goodnight Roxas." Axel replied and switched off the lights.

* * *

**A/N**: Thank you for reading! Now get started on getting me 33 reviews! D Ily! 


	8. Love In Bed

**A/N:** Any of you guys ever listened to the chicken dance, the techno version? It makes me happy. I like playing Mario while listening to it. Totally random, I know. But what do you expect from the person who wrote this? Anyway, tis chapter is going to be amazingly short compared to my others. It's about half the size I usually try and get my chapters too. But I have an idea! And I wanted to make this chapter 'cause it showed development between the two! ;O; Okay, now please read. You've waited long enough.

P.S. No more silly review thing. ;; I don't want to promise you guys things and then something like this happens. Bah! I love you guys too much to do that to you again! And now I say sorry for my writer's block! But hopefully it be gone now! Thanks to everyone who cheered me on! Mucho love!

* * *

It had been a peaceful night for Roxas. So far. He had fallen asleep on the couch not long after Jay Leno would have gone off the television after making his not-too-funny jokes. Roxas had to hand it to the guy though, he could make up pretty good jokes in a day. If Roxas were to write comedy it would probably go something like this: 

_Roxas: Hideeho everybody._

_Everbody: ..._

_Roxas: What about those illegal immigrants? They sure have an easy time crossing that Canadian border. Eh?!_

_Everybody: BOOO_

Roxas was a horrible comic.

But he wasn't dreaming about being a comic. He was dreaming about Candy Mountain and some pink and blue unicorns kept calling him Charlie. His name was not Charlie, dammit! He was about to use some lame, teen computer talk to get them to shut up, but he didn't have to. His dream was interrupted by a very loud, familiar, singing.

"Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring Banana Phone!"

A song later Roxas was sitting up on the couch, Gizmo clutched to his ear, and gritting his teeth to whoever was on the other end of the line. "Hello?!" He tried not to sound irritated. He really did. But it was hard not to when your friend's phone decided to come to you with a call, not him, at three in the morning.

"Is this Roxas?" The voice over the phone asked. It was vaguely familiar.

"Yeah. Who are you?" He asked in return.

"It's the man the banana phone called earlier. Xemnas."

"Oh. Why are you calling this late?"

"I wanted to see how it went with you and Axel."

"How did you know-"

"I'm God. Don't ask me questions."

"You're not God."

"Touche."

"..."

"So, how did it go with you and Axel?"

"Nothing happened. I don't see why it would."

"You haven't noticed yet then?"

"Noticed what?"

"Nothing."

"It's got to be something if you're calling me this late."

"I told you it is nothing, therefore it is nothing. I'm God, remember."

"You're not God."

"Touche."

"What am I supposed to notice?"

"Nothing."

"What the hell?! Stop saying nothing! It's something!"

"If I say it's nothing, it's nothing. I'm G-"

"Fuck you!" Roxas slammed the banana phone down. Except, there wasn't really any reason to slam it down because that wasn't a way to hang it up.

Gizmo stood shakily on the couch where he had been thrown, looking at Roxas. Or at least, looking at him the best he could with eyes that were drawn on. "You...You hurt me!" He whined.

"Yeah? You brought me an old pervert who thinks he's God!" Roxas fumed.

Gizmo teared up, or at least he seemed to since he let out a small sob. "I'm telling Axel!" He yelled, jumping from the couch and running towards the only bedroom in the whole apartment. Roxas got up and ran after, yelling threats at him the whole way. Well, of course by the time they reached the young man's room he was already awake. And very pissed off.

"What the fuck is the matter with you two?!" Axel yelled, walking out of his bedroom in boxers, and Roxas tried not to stare. It wasn't hard not to, seeing as how he was fighting a machine.

"Roxas threw me down-" Gizmo started.

"That only because you make me angry-" Roxas fought back.

"But the phone call was for you and-"

"You don't give people phone calls like that!"

"That's still no reason to throw me down!"

"Uh-huh."

"Nu-uh"

"Uh-huh."

"Nu-uh."

"Uh-huh."

"Nu-uh."

"Uh-huh!"

"Nu-uh!"

"Shut up! Both of you!" Axel roared, his face screwed up in anger and he began advancing on them, causing them to back up back into the living room area. When they got there Gizmo and Roxas were back up against the wall, and Axel scooped a lighter from the coffee table. He flicked it on and glared at them in the glow of the flame. "Which one of you started it?" He asked.

Roxas pointed at Gizmo.

Gizmo pointed at Roxas.

Axel glared. Then he yelped. He tossed the lighter over his shoulder, and onto the couch. It was an old thing and the button thing on it stuck a lot. Which was an explanation why a small fire started on the couch.

* * *

Several yells, splashes of water, and a fire extinguisher later the couch, which had been an off white color, was no charred black. It was amazing that the neighbors hadn't woken up; they had been very loud about it all. The trio stared at it for a while, just amazed. Then Gizmo and Roxas looked up at Axel, wondering what to do next. 

"Um..." Axel scratched the back of his neck. His eyes shifted from Gizmo and Roxas. Were they expecting him to magically make this couch better or something? As much as Axel wanted he surely wasn't able to perform magic. That he knew of. "Well..." He looked back at the couch. "I guess you can't sleep here tonight, Roxas."

"Yay! I don't have to sleep in the closet!" Gizmo shouted.

"No way, you're sleeping in the closet!" Axel practically yelled at him. Gizmo looked like he was about to protest but Axel beat him to it. "Now!" Sulkily, Gizmo dragged himself to the closet.

They heard the door close behind him.

"So, Roxas, shall we go to my bed?" Axel grinned like a wolf eyeing down a sheep.

Roxas, who was oblivious to this nodded and gave Axel a small smile.

* * *

After they had tucked themselves into the bed, Axel still only wearing his boxers, and Roxas wearing his clothes from school, they lay on the pillow, looking at each other. It was a tight fit, being a twin sized bed and all. Their limbs were tangled within each other's, and Roxas frowned lightly with discomfort. 

"Something wrong, Roxy?" Axel asked, trying not to smirk. This was perfect for him to get himself between Roxas' legs. No pun intended.

"Wouldn't I be better sleeping on the floor?" Roxas asked back.

"No! Those were the only extra blanket and pillow I had! They burned, remember?" Axel was now wearing a nervous grin. He'd never buy another blanket and pillow if he knew Roxas would be staying over again.

"Oh." Was all Roxas said in reply.

They sat in silence for what seemed like several minutes before Axel spoke up again. "Do you have a girlfriend?" He asked.

"No..." Roxas trailed off.

"Why not?"

"...I guess girls just aren't interested in me. I'm not good at flirting, either." Roxas let out a sigh. He was pretty good at this lying thing! "Maybe I don't look that good either."

Axel had to stop from letting out a gagging sound. Roxas? Not look good? He was ready to jump the kid anytime he saw him! Even if Roxas was covered in garbage Axel would still tap that. But he couldn't think about that now unless he wanted to poke Roxas. And not with a finger. "You don't look bad. The girls should be all over you."

"You really think so?" Roxas asked, tilting his head on the small pillow they shared.

"I don't think so, I know so." Axel puffed out his chest the best he could, trying to get the image of a person in authority. The blonde boy laughed at him and pushed Axel's chest in with a finger. The chest deflated like a beach ball would if it had a small hole in it. They both laughed at it.

"So do you have any girlfriends, Axel?" Roxas asked, still grinning.

"Nope! Never have, never will!" Axel smirked. Ah! The moment Roxas found out he was gay! Whoopie!

"So you're gay?" What a blunt question.

"What if I am?"

"I don't care."

And with that simple statement Axel's heart swelled. He wasn't sure why, his heart just felt too many sizes big for his chest, and it was thumping quite rapidly. He was glad that it was dark in the room. He didn't want Roxas to see him blushing, if he was blushing. "That's good then." The elder let out a small laugh.

There was silence for awhile, neither knowing what to say. Then Roxas spoke out, "Goodnight, Axel." Axel murmured a goodnight in response, shifting on the bed to get more comfortable. Oh God, was that Roxas' knee between his legs?!

After thirty minutes or so of it being deathly silent Axel could hear Roxas' heavy breathing, indicating that the boy was asleep. He leaned his head forward, bringing their faces only centimeters apart from one another's. "Goodnight, blondie." He whispered, giving Roxas a soft kiss on the forehead. He could feel his heart beating at the abnormal rate once more.

* * *

**A/N**: There. Be happy! I'm now off for vacation to Seaworld! Yay! Immagonnafeeddolphins!! D And see Shamu! 3 


	9. Smells Like Incest Part 1

**A/N**: Miss me? I miss you all. :) KISSES FOR YOU! -kiss- Anyway, sorry about not updating for forever. Things...Happened. Some good, some bad, some sad, some that make me go emo, and some that make me want to kill things, but here is the chapter. It's very short but hopefully laugh filled. You guys deserve a few good chuckles. I don't know when I'll be able to update next but hopefully before Christmas break ends. But that depends on if I'm able to get the awesome game Guitar Hero III. ;D Enjoy, lovelies!

* * *

"Nnnnn...Axel..." The blonde breathed out, his face highlighted with the sense of immense pleasure. 

"R-...Roxas..." The redhead returned, thrusting into the small boy, sweat covering his own body. Finally Axel was getting what he lusted over for weeks. Finally Roxas had given in to him and was even enjoying himself.

"Ha-Harder Axel! Faster!" Roxas yelled, moving his hips in time with Axel's, causing their sensations to rise higher. God the boy was good at sex. He would have to say something about it after they were done.

There was more moaning and groaning until Axel hit Roxas' prostate and the boy came shortly after that, which in turn made Axel come.

Axel could feel his seed all over his stomach.

Something was wrong.

Axel jerked awake, eyes wide. Oh god! Roxas was lying right next to him and he just had another wet dream about the kid! Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit...Horrified he looked over to the "other side" of the bed. He was the only one in the bed. Where had the little squirt gotten to? At least he wasn't here to feel Axel mess himself and the sheets up. That was a good thing.

He looked over at the clock. It was ten in the morning. Not a bad time to wake up at. But where was Roxas?

Then he heard it.

That angelic sound of the boy singing, making Axel just want to jump him. Even the song was just adorable. It was perfect for Roxas. Axel could feel himself getting hard once more, even after his wet dream. Until he realized he really needed to figure out where the singing was coming from and he had to get these sheets off his bed.

Damn.

He could feel Little Axel going back into hiding just at the thought of doing any house work. Great. He stood slowly, trying not to get his little mess all over himself more than it already was. He walked a bit hurriedly over to the dresser where he had all his underwear needs stock up in mass so that he didn't have to do laundry on them. He pulled out a clean pair of boxers, placed them on top of the dresser, and took off his old pair. No, he didn't immediately put on the new ones. He wiped himself off with the old, dirty ones before he dared to put on the new ones. After he had new, crisp boxers on he went back to the bed and pulled the sheets off, piling them in the corner of his room where Roxas wouldn't be able to see the mess.

Now he had to figure out where that adorable singing was coming from. Time to be super sleuth Axel!

"Rubber ducky, you're the one! You make bath time lots of fun! Rubber ducky I'm awfully fond of you!"

Axel followed the sound, trudging through the hallway from his bedroom, through the living room, and into the hall that led to the spare bedroom and the bathroom.

"Rubber ducky, joy of joy, when I squeeze you, you make noise! Rubber ducky you're my very best friend, it's true!"

He stood at the bathroom door, now sure Roxas was in there, singing about rubber duckies. Axel was stupid enough not to hesitate and throw open the door and barge right on in. "Roxas?" He said quite calmly upon entering the bathroom.

"Axel?!" Roxas was in the bathtub, naked, with Axel's rubber ducky in his hands.

Axel stared, blinking rapidly for several seconds before he realized what he was staring at. It took several more seconds for a trickle of blood to start leaking from his nose. It took thirty seconds for it to dawn on him that he couldn't sit here and stare at the boy. Because said boy was staring right back at him. Slowly he backed out of the bathroom and closed the door in front of his face. He stood with his hand placed on the doorknob. He lifted his free hand and ever so slowly wiped the blood away from his upper lip. Then he took his hand away and began walking back to his bedroom.

* * *

Roxas sat in the tub, the color drained from his face. Okay, so Axel had just burst in here and stared at him. That would probably be the natural thing to do since he had been singing and he hadn't asked to use the bathtub. Yet Axel had gotten a nosebleed while looking at him. A gay guy had just gotten a nosebleed while looking at him. Since Roxas also liked the male population this was flattering. But still oh so weird. What if Axel liked him?! If that was true he'd have no idea what to do. He didn't want to "come out" just yet. 

He slowly drained the water from the tub, standing up and shaking himself dry. He didn't want to use one of Axel's towels (it just felt too weird) so he just let the water drip right off of him. When he was at an acceptable level of dryness he slipped his clothes back on. He shook the hair on his head before walking out.

Axel was sitting on the poor, charred couch in the living room. The TV was on, but he didn't seem to be paying much attention to it. His green eyes flicked to Roxas. "Hey. Sorry about bursting in on you like that."

"S'okay." Roxas replied, sitting on the floor beside Axel, his back against the couch.

They sat in silence for quite a while. The time ticked by slowly.

"So...What time are you supposed to go home?" Axel asked.

"I was supposed to be home at six in the evening..." Roxas sighed. "If I go back now my mom's going to beat me to a bloody pulp."

Now, Axel couldn't just let this beautiful blond angel be beaten into something that looked like it had just crawled out of a school cafeteria. No, he was going to save Roxas from that torture. "We could go out and do something until then."

"Like what?"

"We could go to the mall or see a movie."

"I can't go out in public."

"Why?"

"Because my mom has little rats all the place that always tell her if me and Sora have been bad." Roxas couldn't count the times he got in trouble because one of his mother's friends had told on him. He couldn't count that high.

"This is a bit of a problem." Axel had to think for a minute. Wait a second... "Roxas, how do you feel about cross dressing?"

* * *

"You want me to do what?" The blue haired young woman leaned against the doorframe of her apartment, wearing a pink tank top and black booty shorts. 

"Please. Just do it for me. You still owe for that time I took your sister on a date." Axel was giving her a small glare.

"Okay, okay. Just let me get my things, and I'll be over there as fast as I can." She rolled her eyes.

"Thanks a ton, Aqua."

* * *

Aqua, as it turns out, was a mediocre actress. She had all kinds of things like wigs and stage make up. Which she dragged into Axel's apartment. 

"Where's the poor little guy?" She asked once she walked in, still wearing her pj's.

"Right over here." Axel waved a hand at poor little Roxas, who was standing awkwardly off to the side. He didn't think this was a good idea but what was he to do? This was the only way they could think of to solve the problem. Axel was just dead set on going out in the world and Roxas had to give in.

"He looks just like Ven." The young woman muttered.

"What?" Roxas asked.

"Nothing!" She said hurriedly, smiling. "You can keep your jeans on. If you're a normal guy you'll have hairy legs and we really don't want to see those in a skirt."

"Right." He grunted.

"Come over here and we'll get started."

* * *

Standing in the middle of Axel's small living room was one of the loveliest sights he had set eyes on. (Or something along those lines.) Before him was Roxas, in a cute little tank top Aqua had brought over, and had a blond wig on that reached the middle of his back. The wig matched his hair perfectly. He looked like a genuine, flat chested girl. He was adorable! Axel felt another nosebleed coming on. 

"Looks good." Aqua said, winking at Roxas.

"Do I really have to go out like this?" The poor boy asked.

"Yes!" Axel said hurriedly. Roxas pouted at him. "Aw, my dearest _Roxy _you look wonderful when you pout. Keep that up and you'll get raped by a crazy guy wearing a trench coat who looks like Einstein." Roxas changed his pout into a frown. The red head turned to Aqua. "Thanks a ton, Aqua."

"No problem." She said sarcastically.

"Let's go, Roxy!" Axel gripped Roxas hand and ran from his apartment.

"He's not even going to lock his door?" Aqua asked, still standing in the apartment. She sighed.

* * *

"You chose the mall of all places?" Roxas asked, looking horrified. 

"Where else can I parade your feminine cuteness, Roxy?" Axel asked, hands on his hips.

"The movies. Where I could at least have some shred of my masculine pride left." Roxas hung his head.

"But that costs money, which is money more than I have!"Axel laughed.

"I don't think that's how that saying is supposed to be used..." Roxas muttered.

"What?"

"Nothing..."

* * *

"Riku...Riku..." The brunette pestered. 

"Huh?" Riku looked up from the ice cream they were supposed to be sharing. Somehow Sora had vaccumed it all away into his stomach.

"Who's that?" Sora pointed to a petite blonde girl standing with the man he had seen Roxas with last night.

"I dunno...Why do you want to know?" Riku only glanced at the girl.

"She's...She's..." A small blush crept onto Sora's cheeks. "Beautiful." He breathed.

Riku gagged.

* * *

**A/N:** Will Sora's love be returned? Or will Riku's libido ever calm down? Will Roxas ever get the chance to get out of his girly clothes or will Axel push him onto the nearest flat surface and have him right then and there? Stay tuned and find out! Next time on The Restaurant: Smells Like Incest Pt. 2! 


	10. Smells Like Incest Part 2

**A/N: Alright! The Restaurant is off hiatus! Yayyyy! And now I have a present for my good, dear readers who have waited forever and a few weeks for this chapter! I'm going to hold a contest for The Restaurant! There are three ways to win: drawing a picture, writing a story, and making an amv. If you're interested, you can check out the next chapter (it's contest information) when you're done reading this. I hope lots of people will enter! And don't worry, there are three winners per category. Thanks and check it out!**

* * *

For hours Sora had to watch helplessly as the love of his life was manhandled by that perverted redheaded freak! Oh yes, Sora followed them everywhere they went in the mall, Riku following after him like a lost puppy. The only problem Riku had with following Sora's cute butt around was that Sora was chasing after a girl! A _girl. _Riku had always pegged him as someone who would turn gay when they grew older...or at least he had hoped so.

Currently the two were standing at a vending machine, Sora watching his blonde beauty out of the corner of his eye. The blonde and the redhead were in Victoria's Secret, the redhead picking out panties for her. She didn't look to happy about it and tried to hit the tall man every time he pulled out a piece of under clothing for her to try on. Several times she tried to drag him out, but he always pulled her back in. Eventually she gave in and let him buy her a pair of panties. Very lacy panties too.

"He's treating her so badly! I have to rescue her! She's a damsel in distress!" Sora told Riku in a hush whisper as the couple came out of the intimate wear shop.

"Sora...don't you think she wouldn't be with him if she didn't like him?" Riku asked, exasperated. He really didn't want to put up with this anymore. He just wanted to get in Sora's pants. When you waited seventeen years for something you tended to want it pretty badly.

"Nonsense!" Sora hissed, turning and following behind the two a few yards away from them. "She was kidnapped and had to go on forced dates with him until she falls in love with him." Sora had a bit of an imagination. It had gotten his little brother into many strange predicaments. Like hanging on the fence by his shirt collar. They had a time explaining that one to their mom.

"What you're saying right now is nonsense, Sora. If he had kidnapped her she would probably be screaming for help right now." Riku tried to get him to understand.

"He might have killed her parents. No one cares about her now." Sora told him. "I must save her!" And with that last cry he rushed forward, bumping right into Axel's back.

"Stop, fiend!" He said quickly, jumping back and pointing his finger at Axel.

Axel and his "girlfriend" turned around, looking at Sora like he was crazy. All the while Roxas was thinking, 'Stupidsorastupidsorastupidsorastupidsora...'

"Fiend?" Axel asked, cocking one of his eyebrows.

"Yes! You're a fiend!" Sora huffed, looking incredibly cute in his angry stance. Riku melted and decided to let this continue.

"How am I a fiend?" Axel crossed his arms and smirking, leaning back on his heels. Roxas sighed and looked away. Stupid brothers.

"You have kidnapped a pretty young girl and are forcing her on dates! She deserves someone better than you!" The brunette huffed, just a bit short of going into frenzy mode.

"Kidnapped?" Axel started to laugh. "I haven't kidnapped hi-her. Roxy here is here on her own free will." He explained. "Besides, who would be better than me for a sweet girl like her?" He asked, just a bit short of going into cocky mode.

"Me!" Sora fumed, then realized what he had said. A blush rose to both his and "Roxy's" cheeks.

"Wh-What?!" Roxas sputtered. His own brother thought he was hot in this outfit? What was the world coming to?!

Sora laughed nervously and scratched the back of his head. "Heheh...Er...I think you're really pretty, Roxy." He admitted before looking down at his feet.

"Well-" Axel started, getting angry and jealous quickly.

"Well," Roxas gave a short glare at Axel. "There's another boy I like." He smiled sweetly at Sora. "I'm sorry about this, I really am." He assured. "Thank you for thinking I'm pretty. I enjoy getting compliments. I'll see you around, okay?" He turned and started to walk away, Axel giving Sora a small glare before following after Roxas.

Riku patted Sora on the back. "At least you got rejected before you had a crush on her for years." He said.

"Yeah..." Sora looked down at the ground, defeated.

* * *

"Yuck! My own brother was hitting on me!" Roxas pouted. Axel had to admit; it was an adorable pout. "Take me back to your apartment right now and get me out of these clothes!" He hissed at Axel.

"Well, if you insist, Roxy!" Axel would happily agree, his mind going through a string of perverted ideas.

"Oh, shut up!" Roxas spat, crossing his arms and glaring at the ground.

"So..." Axel walked a bit closer to Roxas. "Who is this person you like? Or were you just saying that to get him off your back?"

"..." Roxas was cooled down by thinking about something different. His anger disappeared. "No, there's really someone I like."

"Well, won't you let your old buddy Axel know?" He asked, his heart starting to pound. Oh, if only Roxas had a crush on him! Then he could capture those cute little lips when he wanted, and pulled Roxas close when he was sad...Oh, the non-sexual things Axel would do to him if he liked him.

Roxas let out a soft laugh. "I'm not telling you, Axel." He said. "You know this person too well. You'll probably run off and tell them."

It wasn't Axel? Axel felt a little part of himself die inside. Oh well, he still wanted to know, dammit! "Tell me!" He whined.

"No!"

"Pleasseee?!"

"No!"

"I'll love you forever if you do!"

"I said no, Axel!"

"Roxas, please..." Axel sounded defeated. Roxas felt a pang in his heart at that.

"Okay...But under one condition."

"What?"

"I have to be out of these clothes!"

"Damn."

* * *

"Hey, look Zexion!" Demyx said happily, pointing at a friend of his as he walked past the window of the Gamstop. "It's Axel! With a girl!"

"Axel's with a girl?" Zexion turned from where he was standing to look out the window. The girl was extremely cute, with big blue eyes and flowing blonde hair. He caught on immediately. Axel could trick the rest of the mall but he could not trick the old Zexster.

"Yeah! She's really cute...and young. I bet Roxas turned him down." Demyx nodded to himself as if he were agreeing.

"Yeah...What system do you have?" Zexion asked. He was here on business with Demyx, trying to make up for his rude comment from before.

"Uhm...XBox." Demyx said after a moment.

"Three-sixty?" Zexion had to confirm.

"Yep!" Demyx smiled happily.

"Well, alright." Zexion pulled the game off the shelf. To make it up to the dirty blonde he had to buy the elusive game _Soul Calibur 4_. But only because Darth Vader and Yoda were in it. God. He took the video game box off the shelf and headed to the counter. The man pulled out the real game and scanned it. Zexion forked over his poor debit card. The thing was almost out of money. The restaurant didn't pay him enough to put up with this stuff.

Finally he was done paying for the stupid game. He handed the bag to Demyx. "Here." He said gruffly.

Demyx shook his head. "No way! You gotta come play it with me first!"

Damn.

Zexion sighed. "Why?"

"So that I can kick your ass to a pulp with Yoda! Force, you have not Zexion!" Demyx laughed softly to himself. This was going to be a long day for Zexion.

* * *

After a bit longer of shopping with Roxas in his girl clothes (Axel could wait to hear who Roxas liked to bask in cuteness just a bit longer.) Axel took Roxas back to his apartment to change. Aqua had had the courtesy to lock the door before she left...and had left an angry note saying Axel was going to get robbed someday.

"Do I get to see you in your new panties?" Axel asked, pulling said panties out of the pink Victoria's Secret bag.

"Hell no!" Roxas pulled off his wig, showing his cute blonde spikes once more. Roxas had tried on those damnable panties just because Axel had forced him to...And had watched Roxas' legs in the dressing room to make sure he actually took off his pants and put them on. "You can keep them."

Oh, Axel would...Axel would...

"Where are my other clothes?" Roxas asked, searching through the scorched remnants of the couch.

"Right here!" Axel said happily, throwing the clothing at Roxas.

"Thanks." The boy said before heading to the bathroom to get out of the girl clothes.

Axel sat on a chair at his small table, just thinking about who Roxas liked. So, it was someone he knew, really well...Demyx? No, couldn't be him. Roxas was a bit too...stoic to like someone like him. Was it Zexion? ...Dammit, it was Zexion! Axel got antsy just thinking about it.

"Alright. I'm done." Roxas came out and put the clothes on the back of the massacred couch. He lifted his bag on the shoulder. "It's getting close to six. I should go." He said to Axel.

"Wait! You haven't told me who you like!" Axel said, almost sounding like a little kid who wouldn't be getting a piece of candy he was promised.

"Oh, yeah." Roxas paused. "Well, it's a guy..." Another pause. "Yeah, I'm gay. I wanted to hide it from you, but I think you should know." He told him. Axel did a happy dance in the back of his mind. Then he remembered the guy Roxas liked wasn't him. His happy dance died.

Roxas started to rock nervously on his heels. "He's silly and makes me laugh..." He explained. Axel didn't really care about that. He just wanted a name! "He's kind of perverted, but he smells really, really good." A soft blush to his cheeks. Axel thought it was adorable.

"Really? Who is it?" Axel really was trying to be patient.

"Uhm..." Roxas looked away and then walked closer to Axel.

"Roxas, you don't have to whisper it to me. We're alone...Except for that banana phone...Gizmo..." Well, Gizmo would keep a secret. He was good at keeping secrets.

"I know..." Roxas whispered to Axel before pressing his lips to the redhead's. Axel's eyes widened in shock, but then the blonde pulled back. "I like you." He said and gave the man a smile before rushing out the door.

Roxas had actually walked out the door, hoping Axel would rush after him and spin him around, whispering something sexy like, 'I want to pound into you right now, Roxas...and I always have...' But it didn't happen. Axel just sat there, staring at Roxas' retreating back and making Roxas feel like a fool.

Axel would later regret not running after him, but for now he was just in shock. Roxas had kissed him? No way!

As the information slowly seeped into Axel's brain, he fainted.

* * *

**A/N: Check out contest information if you're interested. Please and thank you for putting up with me! **


	11. All's Well That Ends Well

**A/N: Okay, so I lied to those of you I told there was only going to be a chapter left...Well, I guess not really lied. This is the last chapter, BUT there will be an epilogue coming sometime with the announcement of the winners. I hope you guys are still working on your submissions! I haven't gotten any completed one and the deadline is coming soon! ;D**

* * *

It was another Monday morning at the restaurant. Employees were just starting to arrive and put things in order for the day. A certain redheaded pedophile dragged himself through the front doors, his shirt un-tucked and wearing two different types of tennis shoes. His hair was slightly messier than usual and his feet dragged on the ground.

"Shit. What happened to you?" Marluxia asked as he walked in.

Axel glared at him.

"'Oh Marluxia, I was sooo upset yesterday! I got kicked out of my apartment for burning another piece of furniture and I lost the love of my life! What will I ever do?'" Marluxia mimicked a high-pitched voice that was supposed to be Axel. "Is that really so hard to do, Axel?" He asked.

"Who told you?" Axel growled, laying his head on the bar. Marluxia walked over to him, giving him a "friendly" pat on the back.

"Zexion told Demyx and Demyx old everyone today." Marluxia shrugged, taking his hand away. "Really, what's wrong with you?"

"The lighter dropped from my hand and fell on the couch...It wasn't my fault!" Axel cried, putting on his most pitiful face. "I didn't mean to..."

"That's not what I was talking about." The pink haired man sat down next to him. "You had Roxas right where you wanted him and then you just...let him go! Axel, you've been working towards a kiss forever! And you just let him run off! He probably thinks you're freaking out because a little kid kissed you!" Marluxia gave him a swift punch to the arm.

"Ow! Geez! I'm sorry, okay! Don't keep rubbing it in my face!" Axel pouted at him. Marluxia let out a 'humph.' "I was just so shocked he would kiss me like that! I mean, I had no idea! What would you have done?"

"Grabbed onto his arm before he walked away." Marluxia frowned.

"Uhgg..." Axel moaned.

"Axel! It's lunchtime!" Zexion said happily, going up to the pile of depression that was on the bar counter still.

"So?" Axel huffed, not moving.

"So it means Roxas will be coming any minute! You better get ready to confess your undying love to him!" Zexion seemed awfully cheerful that morning.

"Nnnn..." Axel let out. "...Why did you tell Demyx about that?" He asked in a groan.

"You called me while I was at his house. You know how Demyx is, he's always so nosy about everything. He wouldn't quit hugging me if I didn't tell him." Zexion frowned and sighed. Oh, the horrors! He didn't want to relive that again by telling Axel.

"...Why are you so happy?" Axel asked, lifting his head high enough to at least look at Zexion's chin.

"I beat Demyx twenty straight times at Soul Caliber four. He's leaving me alone now." Zexion did a little happy dance in his mind.

"...Good..." Axel sighed.

"Hey cutie, what're you doing out of school early?" Marluxia's voice drifted into Axel's eardrum and slowly seeped into his brain. Cutie...out of school early?! Axel quickly sat up straight and turned towards the front.

Standing at Axel's podium in all of the cuteness that was in the world, was a girl. A blonde girl. She had her hair swept to one side and she was wearing all white clohting. Strange.

"Oh, no sir." She smiled up at Marluxia, thinking he was just being nice. In all reality he was pedophile like Axel, just not the gay kind. "I came with orders from the office for lunch." She held out a slip of paper.

"Oh, okay sweetie. Let me get it to one of our waiters to put the order in. You probably won't have to wait long. They always get the same things." Marluxia turned and handed the paper to Zexion. Zexion winked at him before going into the back. Marluxia turned back to the girl. "So what's your name?"

Axel's heart sunk.

* * *

"Sorry I missed school, Naminé." Roxas breathed into the phone. Breathed was the right word. He could barely speak with his sore throat. He wanted to blame it on Axel for giving him a cold, but he couldn't. It was his fault he kissed him.

"That's alright." The small girl spoke back. "I had to go to that restaurant across the street you usually have to go to. You know the one. That one waiter always picks you up from school..."

"Yeah, I know it."

"Well, there was a host there. His name is Marluxia. He was so cute!" Naminé giggled.

"Oh...Marluxia...I know him..." Roxas took a sip from his Nyquil bottle.

"He gave me his number. Do you think I should call? I know he's an older man, but I've never liked anyone my age...You know that, though. Remember when you had a crush on me in second grade?" She giggled again. Roxas had to smile.

"Yeah...I tried to marry you at recess..." Roxas still felt embarrassed by that. It had been soo long ago, too.

Naminé laughed again. "I can tell you're tired...We'll talk about this some other time. I love you, Roxas." She said into the phone.

"Love you too..." Roxas said before closing his phone. Now, it might be a little strange that Roxas was saying 'I love you' to a girl he wasn't dating, but he was. They were more like brother and sister than anything else. They had grown up together and now the thought of kissing made both of them throw up.

Roxas' stomach turned at the thought of kissing. He was so stupid! He took another sip of Nyquil. He so stupid for thinking Axel would like him back. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

* * *

Axel was depressed. Majorly depressed. He hadn't eaten in three hours and had ONLY gotten ten hours of sleep. Something was wrong. Something short and blonde and beautiful was wrong.

"I highly doubt he was avoiding you yesterday." Marluxia said over his shoulder to Axel, who was once again slumped on the bar counter.

"You really think so?" Axel asked, perking up.

"Well, he might have been...But he probably wasn't." Marluxia said. Axel groaned and slammed his head back down.

"Guys! Guess what!" Demyx ran out from the kitchen.

"What?" Marluxia asked. Axel just groaned.

"There's a new Star Wars movie coming out soon! It's a cartoon, but it's new! New! Did you guys hear me?!" Demyx screeched into their ears.

"Yes, Demyx! If we didn't hear you I'm pretty sure Satan himself heard you!" Marluxia yelled back. "Oh, and by the way, Xemnas is coming in for lunch. I expect you to be on your best behavior, Anikan." Marluxia reminded him.

"Yes sir! I will stay in the Death Star until I am needed." Demyx bowed and backed up into the kitchen again.

The door jingled as someone walked in. "Welcome to-Roxas!" Marluxia said happily.

"Hey, Marluxia." Roxas smiled at him, his voice slightly altered because of his runny nose. He handed him the paper.

Axel nearly fell out of his chair when he heard Marluxia yelling. He was so happy when he heard the boy's name but now...he was just nervous. What should he do? What could he do? Roxas probably hated him. It was so stupid of him to let the blonde go. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

As Marluxia went to the back (Zexion was off running errands and Marluxia was not going to ruin Axel and Roxas' moment) to give the order to the chefs, another customer walked in. Roxas let out a small squeak as he laid eyes on the terrifying man.

The man was tall, dark, and handsome. If Roxas didn't know any better, he would say he was a serial killer. He looked at Axel for help. Axel was too busy beating himself up.

"Excuse me, sir." Roxas said quietly before going over to Axel. At least he was away from the man.

"Hey, Axel..."

Axel looked up. Oh, Roxas looked so gorgeous like that...With that...sickly glow to him. "Hey, Roxas." the man decided to actually sit up. Maybe Roxas would be impressed by his straight back...or maybe not.

"So...What's up?" Roxas asked after a period of silence.

"Just working...you?" Axel asked, feeling the suffocating tension in the air.

"Same..." Roxas let the two of them fall into uncomfortable silence after that. The man was being seated by Marluxia now, and apparently Marluxia was scared of him too because he was being overly nice to him.

"Look, Axel..." Roxas couldn't let it stay like this forever. They had been so good of friends before this had happened and now it was ruined. He wanted it back...or at least mended a little bit. "I'm sorry I kissed you...I...wasn't thinking..." He blushed softly. That had actually been his real first kiss. Sure he had kissed a girl in kindergarten, but that didn't count. "I just want us to be fri-" Roxas was cut off by a pair of lips on top of his own.

Axel pulled back and smiled at him. "I don't want to be fri-" Now Axel was cut off by the clapping hands of several people.

"Finally." Zexion said and laughed as he clapped. Even the scary guy in the back was clapping and smiling at them. It was a sinister smile, but a smile all the same. Demyx was peeking out from the back and Marluxia was standing at the front, clapping at them.

"Now, can I please get a waiter? It's not good to keep your boss waiting." The scary man said, still smiling. Zexion hurriedly rushed to him.

Axel grinned and turned back to Roxas, kissing him once more.

Finally.

* * *

**A/N: Remember your submissions if you plan on entering the contest! That is all. (And yes, I tell you to review...for old times sake, can you put a spork in the review box?)**


	12. Epilogue

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who entered the contest! The winners are: LollipopLove, kelle611, and WE ARE ZOMBIES! Congrats you guys and PM me for your prize. Basically if you entered you won. ;P So, you guys who snoozed on your entries, you losed! (Losed isn't a word but I just made it one.) Anyway, here's the last thing from The Restaurant you will ever see. Enjoy everyone as this fan fiction is retired!**

* * *

_Four Months Later_

It was bright and sunny in the outside world, the flowers had bloomed and the birds kept on singing...And the sun wouldn't quit shining. It was summer. And that meant that Roxas had to get a summer job. Where else would he go besides that old place right by his school?

"Hey Roxas!" Marluxia greeted him as he entered. "Your boy toy not with you?" He asked.

"Nah. I came to get a job, not to annoy all of you." Roxas smiled at him. "Naminé around anywhere?"

"Yeah, she's at the back waiting for my shift to end. God she's beautiful." Marluxia looked so silly at that moment, but Roxas supposed that was what love was about. "How's Axel doing?"

"Good, good. Hasn't burned anything in two weeks. I think he's starting to cave in to my puppy dog face." Roxas laughed. "Now where's an application?"

"No need for an application, Roxy boy." A heavy hand dropped on his shoulder.

Roxas gulped and looked up. Standing there was Xemnas in all of his brown-skinned glory. Why did he have to look to exotic, beautiful, and...scary? Roxas always wanted to pee his pants when his eyes laid on Xemnas. Xemnas grinned down at him.

"I trust you not to follow in your boyfriend's footsteps so you got yourself a job. As a waiter. None of that bus boy business before being promoted." Xemnas told him.

"Thank you so much sir!" Roxas shook his hand happily.

"You'll start...Friday. Five to close. That alright?"

"It's fine! Thank you!" Roxas was so happy he had gotten a job.

A scream was heard at the back.

"Demyx!" Naminé looked down at her wet, _pink _dress.

"I'm sorry, Nam! I'll go get some more napkins right away." Demyx hurriedly left.

Xemnas sighed. "My only mistake in promoting him to waiter...He's so clumsy!"

* * *

"Axel?" Roxas opened the apartment door. Now that Axel had gotten a new job he had been able to afford a much better apartment. It was in a better part of town and even had a watchman in the lobby! The watchman knew Roxas by now, seeing as how he was always coming and going. Axel had given him a key.

"Hello! Roxas!" Gizmo was still around, though. "Axel's here! He's taking a shower." The banana phone explained.

Roxas smiled and closed the door. "Alright. I guess I'll wait for him here." He set his skateboard down beside the door and sat on the couch. Axel even had enough money to afford a pleather couch! Roxas was glad for his boyfriend's success. It made everything so much better.

Roxas got bored just sitting on the couch and waiting for Axel to get out of the shower. Gizmo entertained him a bit, singing the banana phone song again and dancing to it. (Roxas had taught him the dance.) He turned on the tv, hoping something interesting was on. Nothing was, but he watched it anyway.

"Hey, babe." Axel was standing at the entrance to the hallway, dressed in only a towel. Roxas turned around and blushed.

"Hey." He smiled as Axel walked over to him.

"What have you been doing until now?" The redhead asked as he sat down next to him.

"I got a job as a waiter at the old restaurant." Roxas beamed at him.

"Really?" Axel cocked an eyebrow. He smiled anyway. Roxas did need a bit of money if he ever wanted that Corvette he had been eying.

"Yeah...How was your day at the office?" Roxas asked.

"Okay. It's so slow compared to how the restaurant was...but, I do get paid more and I get weekends off." Axel slung his arm around Roxas' shoulder.

"Hey, Axel?" Roxas asked, looking up at him.

"Yeah?" Axel smiled down at him. They had only gotten as far as making out and Axel had given him a handjob once. It was good, but Axel was craving sex he almost starting humping a chair the other day.

"I-I think I'm ready to take our relationship to the next level." Roxas blushed slightly as he said this.

The only thing going through Axel's mind at that moment was: _Ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshit._


End file.
